Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Recently there have been many a discovery about myself, my marriage, our lives in general. One of those discoveries was the importance of alone time. We have all heard about it, sure. You need to have moments for yourself, something thats all you, apart from your spouse. Easier said than done. After trying to work through the mother and wife guilt of wanting to be apart from my beloved family, I would usually choose to put my own wants on the back burner, and just trudge along in my normal routine. Being crawled on, smacked, clawed, tickled, hugged, kissed, wanted... for the entire day, every day... it's normal and healthy to want ME time. So here's the dilly-o, here are the reasons why I can finally feel OK about taking time out for me. Funny thing is as I type this I have Brennan next to me, putting his juice cup on various parts of his own body and mine "more jooos" (no "pwees" yet). Tristan is bounding around the living room, occasionally visiting me with some pretty rough smacks and other reminders that he's still around, usually vocal ones. Josh is next to me, kissing on my neck. Umm... what was I saying? Ah yes, why I don't feel guilty about alone time.
1. Reduction of Rage - There's only so much I can take before I lose my schmidt with everyone. The only real cure for this is alone time. Whether it's going to the grocery store alone or just for a drive with MY music turned up as loud as possible (by the way Cee Lo's "F%^& You" in the car, original version, turned up super loud, singing along and dancing in the driver's seat... it's therapy for my weary soul).
2. Ideas, Ideas, Ideas - When I have time to read a book or just reflect on myself and my life, I have much more to talk about. We've been married for 8 years. We know it all. Sitting on the couch watching mindless, yet entertaining sitcoms every night for hours... it happens. A lot. Deep discussions about our future, our kids, religion, politics, books, science... happens. Sometimes. When we both have alone time, time to have revelations, the frequency of meaningful conversation drastically increases. This makes for much more valuable time as a couple.
3. Goal Making & Self Esteem - I tend to never think of myself. Other than the occasional "woe is me" feeling I get after a day of draining monotony, I think about ME pretty seldom. When I have alone time. When we both have alone time, we get all kinds of motivated about ourselves. I get to think about college, working, exercise, mothering issues, friends, dating ideas. Sometimes I write or draw, skills that have gotten considerably rusty since becoming a mother to 3 boys.
4. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder - Even if it's just an hour of alone time. When I come back, I am happy to see everyone. It's like a rebirth of sorts. I want my husband. I want to play with my kids. I want to go out and do fun things. My patience and energy are restored. Especially when I accompany my time with my workout.
So... much like my realization that exercise is necessary for my mood (though difficult to initiate and maintain), alone time is as well. I am intelligent. I am constantly running through ideas. I am always looking for subjects to research and write about. With "me" time, I can do that again. It makes me feel valuable... and that's invaluable ;) Otherwise I spend a lot of time resenting my family for sucking the life out of me and killing my brain. Not the case. Its still there, I've been the one ignoring it.