Hope all my mommy friends had a great Mother's Day! I celebrated Mother's Day with my kids yesterday...so that DS would be free to accompany his wife to her mother's and grandmother's celebrations today. I figured it would be easier on him. And I'm all about that. So, today, it was just DH and I. We got the grass cut, I got most of the laundry done, we did the grocery shopping, and I have a nice, clean kitchen, too. Woo hoo!
I took yesterday "off" from Sparking. Well, I didn't track my food. I did go to the gym in the morning and did my full workout. I had plans to take the kids to Chili's for our Mother's Day celebration. Then, I found out that I made a mistake with our checking account and didn't have the funds available to take them out. So, on to Plan B, I had them over to the house for a dinner together. DH and I fixed a nice spread. We had Manwich, broccoli, corn, carrots, fruit salad, and fries. I think everyone enjoyed it. I was having a terrible guilt reaction inside, though, to the mistake. I felt embarrassed and guilty for messing up the checking account. I know they did not mind not going out...that wasn't the problem. I just really hated that I had messed up.
While DH was at the grocery getting stuff for our gathering and as I was cleaning house and getting ready for our get-together, I started munching chocolates. I haven't done the "emotional eating" thing since starting SP. I really thought it was "gone" and I was "over" it. Apparently not. It's right there...just as easy to fall into as ever. Ugh. So, I didn't track yesterday. I know I was over on my calories. And I learned that I can still be an emotional eater.
Today, I went back to tracking. Everything is recorded. I was in range on my calories. And I got some good exercise cutting the grass. I was thinking about the problem I had yesterday...and how easily I could slip back into the emotional eating problem. I think I understand it a little bit more. Emotional eating is like an old pair of slippers. They're broke in and comfortable and will ALWAYS "fit" just like an old pair of slippers. But, the thing is, these slippers will NOT take me where I want to go. I cannot wear them and get to 120 lbs. I can wear them and get back up to 243 lbs...that's where they take me. So, I do not have to check and see if my old slippers still fit anymore. They do. They are ready and willing and standing by...to be put on and take me back to 243 lbs whenever I would like to go back there. They'll always fit...but I'm locking them in the closet!
I don't want to go back to 243 lbs. I want to go to 120 lbs. So, I just have to NOT put them on. I have to continue to be in control, not beat myself up over mistakes that I make, and find a way to stay positive and moving in the right direction...no matter what's going on. It's not such a bad thing. If I could do yesterday over again, I would be extra nice to myself...understanding that I am very conscientious...and that I need to be kind to myself when I've made a mistake. I would not beat up a child that has made a mistake and is sorry. I would comfort them and try to point out all the good things about the child so that their self-esteem would return. That's what I need to do with myself. Hmmm. This is a good lesson for me.
So, for Mother's Day, I have learned a great lesson, and have a clean house and kitchen (due to having the kids over)! And we have a lot of great, healthy left-overs in the fridge! So, yay! It was a great Mother's Day! Hope yours was, too. Spark on!