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It Really Feels Like ....

Monday, May 02, 2011


This is one wacky video. The cigar-chomping dude reminds me of Curtis Armstrong.

Anyway, eh. Not such a hot day/week/etc.

It is week #2 of eat more and stop have the fitness tracker yell, thereby, presumably, lose weight!

Not so fast.

Last week, I stayed the same. This week, I am up 1.4.

In all fairness, I've also got TOM going on, but still!

Very discouraging, particularly as I walked almost 30 miles last week and went to the gym twice, for a total of 2 hours cardio/weight training there. Measurements are, mainly, up, although not by too much.

It is discouraging.

And other fun stuff is not helping.

The Commonwealth has decided -- look, little job seeker? See the hoop? Jump, job seeker, jump!

There is a new form to fill out online. But you can't fill it in on Sundays. But that's nowhere in the literature. And so we hold your check because you had the audacity to try to fill it out on Sunday, when every other part of that website is usable.

I do hope they realize they are also shooting themselves in the foot with this, as two trips multiplied by however many job seekers = more strain on their server.

Jump, job seeker, jump!

You'd think with all this jumping, I'd lose some freakin' weight.

Anyway, it is not a happy day. I am sorry I am not funny or perky today. I am just tired of it all.

Why am I not getting a job? Well, uh, there aren't any in my field. Or, at least, the match is just not being made. I have been told I'm great but, oops! We're going with someone internal. Or, oh, you don't fit our vision (whatever TF that turns out to be). Or, you're perfect, but we found someone perfect-er! Or you're too experienced (I always wonder about that one -- I'm sure in most cases that's code for, you're too old). Or you're just, hmm, well, we had 87 specifications and you only fit 86 of them, so sorry. But we do love to watch you jump. Jump again, and you might get a biscuit!

I had a dream early this morning of this awful coworker I had had years ago (who became my boss IRL). I dreamt I was working with this person again, who was as loud and obnoxious as ever, and sitting even closer to me than this person had over a decade ago. The company (in the dream) compensated my annoyance by giving me a printer. But of course I had to share and service this printer as well.

And that is how I am feeling. I have home and family things going on as well and I am not going to get into those on a public page like this but I am just plain tired of battling. The forced perkiness that I will need to be able to network and do all of the hoop-jumping is just not gonna come easy, if at all, right now. I have had it.

Does this mean I am stopping? Not really. But I am not up to par by any means.

Oh and it also doesn't mean I want a pep talk. A pep talk is not gonna cure this. I appreciate your thoughts - I do - but this is not a pep talk situation.

Again, sorry this isn't cheerful or funny. It's just ... not. It really does feel like hell.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'd never heard that song before. I don't have much to say, and I'm pretty sure I'm not equipped to give a pep talk right now, so I'll just offer:
    emoticon emoticon and a emoticon for good luck.

    - Karen
    3493 days ago
    No one can be funny and perky all the time. I can do funny on occasion but forget perky most days. I am late responding to this so I am sure you are doing ok by now. You are going to have some not great days.get thru them and get on with it. At least that is what I tell myself. emoticon
    3493 days ago
    Sending big emoticon your way. I can feel for you, on the not getting the job. They told me I had the job, Then called and said they were not going to give me the job. There is know work out there. It rots.
    3494 days ago
    Yes. I see.
    I'm taking a cue from the Book of Job, and not offering you any useless advice or words. I'll just sit here with you. That's what Job's REAL friends did. (And I haven't read the story in a while, but I'm pretty sure things were maybe even worse for him ...)
    emoticon emoticon
    3494 days ago
    Awuh Jes I wish I could make you more comfortable as you often do for me when I am down. Can't though and I don't want to trivialize your feelings with pap. You are indeed one of the wittiest writers that I know. It is not fair that you have this struggle. You are so unique and gifted. Well accept hugs and knowledge that your fans are rooting for you.
    Oh and 30 miles? Heavens! Great!
    3494 days ago
    Ugh. Life sure seems to know how to throw too many days like this one's way. Sorry to hear, but all things considered, seems you are hanging in there better than *I* would under the circumstances...!

    3494 days ago
    I agree with you. It all sucks. Hugs.
    3494 days ago
    Some great big hugs across the ocean! It sucks that you're still unemployed and I dearly wish people got their eyes open about your qualities! emoticon
    3494 days ago
    Sorry you are having a lousy time! Keeping venting if it helps!

    3494 days ago
    I'm so sorry. I can definitely relate...to things not being as you want them on SO many levels.

    Keep the faith!
    3494 days ago
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    Hey, kiddo. Life's a bummer sometimes. Wallow a little and then stick out your chin again. What else can you do?

    Hugs from this quarter. And BTW it's spring and we have to set a date to meet! THAT is cause for anticipatory cheer--
    3494 days ago
    HUG. Control what you can. Leave the rest.

    You are doing your part for the weight loss. Maybe the intensity of your exercise needs to step up? But then maybe you don't have that in you right now with all that's going on (You see, that is what i think is happening to ME, and I'm just projecting the same scenario onto you too!).

    For the job hunt, I share your disappointment. There are some people out there who are so good at selling themselves, so good at all the BS, but when it comes down to it, they don't deliver the goods any better than those of us who find all that self-promotion a bunch of crap. It's tiring to try to do something that maybe goes against our nature (well it goes against mine anyway) . It makes a person want to just get a kind of job(also known as low-paying) that doesn't need any of that gunk.

    You hang in there...there are just some things we can't control and the opportunities that come available are on of those things.

    Rant about it (here i mean) when it makes you feel better. But if it's tiring or stirs up frustration to report to us on the job hunt....well you know, we'd understand if you don't talk about it.....do what's best for you is what I'm saying.
    3494 days ago
    Ugh! When it rains, it pours, sometimes. I hope you start catching some breaks soon.
    3494 days ago
    Sending you a virtual hug! Feel free to return the favor - I too can use it. emoticon emoticon
    3494 days ago
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