Sunday, May 01, 2011
I am cured from my eating disorder...without having lost one kilo which is partly depressing.
When I started at the EDC last august I had to fill in a lot of questionnaires about my eating, my attitudes and other stuff, the outcome was that I was given the diagnos "Eating disorder without compensatory behaviour"(Throwing up or exercising obsessively) The other week I filled those forms out again - and my profile had really cahnged. It is of course a subjective tool - I fill in what I think but I was not trying to give the "right" answer and there are too many questions to remember what I have said before so I did the best I could and it was interesting to see that my profile had changed radically.
I still have a slight concern with weight and I still don´t like my body as much as I could but I had nothing in the "sick" area of the profile so I have changed.
The interesting part is that I am so aware that this is perishable stuff. I am not "cured" in the sense that I don´t have to bother any more, if that would be the case I would be losing weight without any thought at all. And I am not. But if I keep working with my food choices, with my attitude and lines of thinking - in short, keep working the twelve steps to the best of my ability - I will get the gift of keeping the good things I have achieved. In ARTS Anonymous there is a description of talents - whoch they seem to have changed from when I first translated it - that has helped me. It used to be something like "we trust the time and result to be in the hands of ur higher power"
I have to make my choices on a daily basis. RIght now I am pretty sad that I did not go out biking early morning - now the wind has started blowing and it will be harder than it could have been.
It is the first of may in Sweden whcoh means that there will be demonstrations all over the country for a better life. I will promote my better life by cycling...
Thanks for reading!