Friday, April 15, 2011
I haven't been doing so well this past month, I have been on spark but just doing the minimum and logging out quickly. Have been eating out more and not following a shopping list if I even get around to making one. And then if I even get around to going to the grocery store. I didn't realize until late last week that I have been suffering from depression, I used to take medicine for sever depression but I was able to get off the meds and that was almost 7 years ago. At first I just thought i was feeling blue and was tired from work, but then last week on my days off I did nothing absolutely nothing. I thought about doing alot of things, but I couldn't make myself do any of it. It's not like I was being lazy I seriously could not motivate myself to move it didn't seem worth my time. I make tapestries it's what helps me relieve stress and I knew I was in trouble when I couldn't even motivaite myself to work on it while watching tv sitting in bed. Now at least I know why I have been so off lately but it's scary knowing that the depression is back, I don't know what triggered it nothing life changing has happened to me or my family in the last few years. I do know one thing though, I don't want to go back on medication. When I'm on it I don't feel like myself, and I hate being tied to medicine. So for now I'm trying to coupe with it on my own and trying to motivate myself to go out and do something today. I'm finally starting to change my lifestyle and get healthy and I dont want to lose that because of this depression. I hope that this time around since I am seeing what is wrong that I can help myself without meds.