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My Emotional Balance is Teetering OUT THE WINDOW

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

***Disclaimer: I'm feeling a little (READ: a lot) stabbity today. If you are someone who thinks motherhood is all sunshine and roses, this post is NOT FOR YOU and you should stop reading right now.***
I'm a SAHM. I hate it. I never wanted to stay home. Since I was little girl, I always thought I would have a career that I love and be important and make, not a LOT, but decent money and we would be comfortable and drive nice cars and have nice things. That's how I grew up and I quite enjoyed that life.
Fast forward some years and here I am. How did I get here, exactly? Even I'm not sure where the road took a sharp left turn into this jungle. It wasn't one bad decision, or even a couple. I think it was a lot of little things that were pretty innocent when taken into account seperately, but when looked at all together, my tapestry is a big tangled mess. And now I hate it.
It's not the mom part I hate. Though, I won't lie-there are days that, if I were asked I wanted a do over, I would do it in a heart beat and everything would be different. I hate the SAH part.
Ethan and I fight constantly. Everything is a struggle with him. I could tell him no until I'm blue in the face and he still doesn't get it. I dread going to bed at night because I know my day will start first thing with him in my face asking me for something and getting mad because I don't immediately hop out of bed and get it for him. And getting mad all day long because he doesn't get what he wants. I count down the days until he starts school in the fall, just so I have time away from him.
It just makes it really hard to be happy about anything because I spend all day frustrated with him about one thing or another. I'm at my wits end, trying to get him to listen and follow the rules.....
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  • MAKEESHA2
    I don't have any advice either but you're not alone. I was thankful to be able to be a SAHM only because it made financial sense and I liked it when my kiddos were babies. But then I resented it and now I'm frustrated because 8 years out of the job market makes it hard to get back in. HUGS
    3574 days ago
  • RUNRUNMAMA
    Being a SAHM is less sunshine and roses, more body fluids and tantrums. I'm sorry you are struggling. I have no answers, but like Anangelmom, I want you to know that you are not alone!!
    3575 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9656784
    Staying home is not for everyone, and is not easy. I was able to split the difference - we had our own business - so I worked - but at my own pace, coming and going as I needed, and paying out the caboose for daycare. Now they are teens - and can stay alone.... bliss.

    My son has ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) and has argued about anything - everyday - all of the time. It can make you certifiable - and wondering where you went wrong. IT IS NOT YOU. They come from the factory this way. the trick is to figure out how to deal with him. On top of it - he is - which is the toughest age for my money.
    Check out some books - and try to get some time to yourself -
    easier said than done.
    You are not a bad mom - just at the end of your rope. Hang in there!
    3575 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/6/2011 1:49:47 PM
  • KATEINMICHIGAN
    Dang - that was long.

    You might look into that which SAVED my A$$ -- "Love and Logic." It's a series of classes and/or books and I swear, it's about MY kid. Probablyt yours too.

    http://www.loveandlogic
    .com/
    3575 days ago
  • KATEINMICHIGAN
    I got some seriously wise advice from the principal at my kid's preschool (it was a big preschool with multiple classes - different language rooms, special needs, all kinds of good stuff). This man is WISE. Calm in the face of all this wildness. He even kissed a frog (a real one!) on one of their storytelling events.

    Anyway:
    I was fretting to him about my son who was 4 at the time. I had HAD it. This kid was ALWAYS arguing with me, always poking to see the limits in the rules. Asking 82 million questions a day.

    He said, "Well, the kids that are difficult because they are SMART are the ones who will be CEOs of huge businesses someday. He's manipulating you because he's smart enough to KNOW HOW. You must work with me and his teachers to keep one step ahead. But, mark my words, he WILL be a successful man one day. Just watch."

    And he's only in 2nd grade now, but HOLY CATS was that man right. I've worked to stay a step ahead (lots of parenting classes, lots of tough love, lots of surprise observations at his classroom), and he's growing to be a challenging but wonderful kid.

    AND?

    when he's in school, I am HAPPY. I sucked at being a SAHM. Hated it. Got medicated for the depression it led to. And now? EVERY MONDAY MORNING, I put him on the bus and GO BACK TO BED. I read. I loll. I celebrate the fact that I'm back on my own -- if only briefly.

    You. WIll. Survive.

    Do what it takes to get from now until September. Babysitters. Playgroups. Mom's clubs. Swallow your pride and tell everybody you know that you need some backup. Say that you're trying to ... get him used to being with other people before he starts school.

    And seriously -- think forward to the Monday mornings you are going to have~! It's AWESOME!

    3575 days ago
  • ANANGELMOM
    I'm a SAHM and I feel you. I don't have any answers, but know that you're not alone.
    3575 days ago
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