My Emotional Balance is Teetering OUT THE WINDOW
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
***Disclaimer: I'm feeling a little (READ: a lot) stabbity today. If you are someone who thinks motherhood is all sunshine and roses, this post is NOT FOR YOU and you should stop reading right now.***
I'm a SAHM. I hate it. I never wanted to stay home. Since I was little girl, I always thought I would have a career that I love and be important and make, not a LOT, but decent money and we would be comfortable and drive nice cars and have nice things. That's how I grew up and I quite enjoyed that life.
Fast forward some years and here I am. How did I get here, exactly? Even I'm not sure where the road took a sharp left turn into this jungle. It wasn't one bad decision, or even a couple. I think it was a lot of little things that were pretty innocent when taken into account seperately, but when looked at all together, my tapestry is a big tangled mess. And now I hate it.
It's not the mom part I hate. Though, I won't lie-there are days that, if I were asked I wanted a do over, I would do it in a heart beat and everything would be different. I hate the SAH part.
Ethan and I fight constantly. Everything is a struggle with him. I could tell him no until I'm blue in the face and he still doesn't get it. I dread going to bed at night because I know my day will start first thing with him in my face asking me for something and getting mad because I don't immediately hop out of bed and get it for him. And getting mad all day long because he doesn't get what he wants. I count down the days until he starts school in the fall, just so I have time away from him.
It just makes it really hard to be happy about anything because I spend all day frustrated with him about one thing or another. I'm at my wits end, trying to get him to listen and follow the rules.....