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Sunday, April 03, 2011

I have had the most wonderful experiences this week - unfortunately not with food or weight but it will come as my mental and spiritual recovery advances.

I have taken my friend to a couple of AA meetings and it has made me aware of my codependancy - I have taken a closer look of how this "people-pleasing" and "not-good-enough" defects affects the divine me and have been able to let go of some of it - mostly through sharing with my friends in AA and OA. My friend asked me to sponor her yesterday and I said lovingly yes - because I feel able to draw boundaries and put my own recovery first. I have helped her to meetings and I will still accompany her if it suits me but I think she can go on her own now if needed and I strongly feel that it is not in my hands to make her sober, it is up to her and her higher power and if it does not work out this time she might not have reached her bottom - I don´t know and it is not my responsibility - I am very grateful for the opportuinty to help her because it has forced me to look closer on my codependant issues and to understand that I might need more meetings right now. Tuesday I went to one (my friend was working and could not go) and it was locked. We were two waiting and could not get the meeting we wanted. I realised that that particular group is a little shaky for the moment. I need to work in the steps for a while and tuesdays are step meetings so I will offer to open thos meetings for some time...

The other great thing today is that I phoned an OA friend because I needed to talk about the fourth step - she felt discouraged because they have a very small OA group and she does not get inspiration or that much recovery for the moment. She has thought about attending AA but does not believe she is an alcoholic and feels a lot of fear. I told her that I have to admit that I am also not sure of being an alcoholic - I had no other symptoms than my own worry when I went to AA six years ago and my defence for being there is the third tradition that says that the only requirement for becoming a member of AA is the desire to stop drinking, and that I do have. I dont argue anymore if I am a "true" alcoholic or not, I do not wish to drink, I could not give it up on my own and through AA I have not had any alcohol for six years, it is good enough for me... and she decided to attend an AA meeting today. She was very scared that people would question her (which I am sure they will not) but she said that she has the desire to stop drinking - her "heaviest" argument is that drinking makes her overeat and still she does it. I think that is enough. I told her to go and to keep on going for a while and she would know after a while if she belongs or not.

This was a problem in the beginning for me, I´ve had no problems with relations, work, health or anything like it due to alcohol consumtion... I had two things that bothered me 1. Drinking made me totally lose control over eating and 2. I felt as if it was accelerating and I would sooner or later have problems and I wanted to do something before it became a real problem... so I did and I am truly happy for it.

I am excited about hearing from this OA-friend - how she felt and how it worked for her. Interesting.

I am thinking about doing a fourth step on my bad self esteem I must find somebody to do it with...

And the christening was great. I decided to respect my fear and insecurity towards it and shared on meeting and talked to OA-friends about it and I realized that it is my people-pleasing that shifts into gear and I need to let go of it. Went rather weel, and I truly enjoyed the time in the church and also talking with my relatives afterwards. Divine moments...
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  • RAINBOWCHOC
    Thank you for sharing this.
    3494 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5233545
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    3495 days ago
  • SILLYHP1953
    I'm with you completely on the power of the 12-step programs. The founder of OA attended AA meetings in the beginning because (obviously) there were no OA meetings yet. She attended open AA meetings and just let the group leader know why she was there before the meeting started. I've considered that myself because there are so few OA meetings anywhere near me, but I haven't done it yet. The sparkpeople community is powerful, too, because we want to change, but the power and energy in a good 12-step meeting is beyond words. I'm really glad you have found those good meetings, and are sharing them with your friends.
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    3495 days ago
  • KAMAPERRY
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    3495 days ago
  • NYMALIN
    Wow, I'm so glad for you when I ready this. And I'm really glad for your friend that you took to the AA meeting last week unless I misremember.
    Keep going, you are awesome!
    emoticon
    3496 days ago
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