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Patience, Kindness, Compassion

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Since meditation kicked me in the butt last week I am making a real effort this week. I decided my mantra is "Patience, Kindness, Compassion" I say it over and over again in my head and it's actually having an effect... mostly on my marriage. I am in a good mood and I stay that way, regardless of my other half and SOMETIMES I even manage to lift him up with me (only for a few seconds, but still). He's been remarkably unhappy lately due to job stress and I had lost my compassion for him. It annoyed me. It still annoys me, but now I don't let it effect MY mood. I don't get discouraged. I keep being me. He can be whoever he wants, but he's not dragging me into his depression with him, and I let him deal with it however he wants.

I get discouraged often when my attempts at cheerfulness are shot down. Then I say my mantra and all is well. I just smile and go on. I am also treating the kids better, which is never a bad thing. I feel like one of those 50's housewives from movies I always admired for never letting the stress get to them. The ones whose children go on to greatness and then write entire movies about how amazing their Mom's were... like "The Prizewinner of Defiance, Ohio" one of my faves. I want to be like her. I want to be unfailingly optimistic and happy with my life because I have the love of my children. Haven't seen it? It's pretty stinkin' awesome... and based on a true story.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sounds like a few of our men-folk need to get together for a balance challenge of their own. If my hubby doesn't get thru his funk soon, I'm not sure I'm going to get by without braining him. Life can get so frustrating. But, I think one of the most important parts of this huge change in our lifestyle is to see our lives from a different point of view, and attempt to change out insides just as much as our outsides.
    3775 days ago
    Thanks for the movie suggestion will have to watch it next movie night :)

    Good on ya for finding a way to help keep your mood positive. I know how hard it is not to get sucked in someone elses foul mood. Sometimes when my emotionally toxic spewing person starts to drag me in I have a really hard time staying positive. I will have to try finding a little mantra of my own.

    Have a great weekend :)

    3777 days ago
    You ladies are so strong...I've been where you are and it's so much harder when you have little people to "be there" for...don't forget to give yourselves a break as well. It's ok to be understanding for your spouses and the stalwart, keep-your-chin-up example for your kids most of the time...but be sure to take time at least once a week to go off by yourself, to go out for coffee with a friend, just to get some time to take some of the weight off your shoulders...time to be yourself and take time off from the responsibilities...
    3777 days ago
  • AMJ8191
    Good for you Allie! It's not easy to stay positive when the person you are married to or in a relationship with is unhappy. It's also challenging to keep trying to keep things cheerful - especially when your efforts are shot down. I've been there. I'm there now. Except the BF is 1,000 miles away...but I digress...
    What is working for me right now is to keep thinking about MY power. And how I give it away when I let someone's moods or behavior have a negative effect on me. Like losing it with the kids or being annoyed and crabby when BF sounds miserable AGAIN. So I am not going to let those people have power over me. This is challenging to say the least, but it's become my mantra of sorts too.
    You are like a super hero with all these great powers. Just remember not to give them away.
    And I think I really need to see that movie...
    3777 days ago
  • MEG526
    My husband has the same issue. He hates his job and comes home and complains about it. I listen to him because I'm his wife but he is depressed and not the man that I married anymore. It is depressing. I try not to think about it as his mood and what happens at his job is out of my control. I can only control myself (and my kids to a certain extent). I try to keep a good mood going in the house and whenever he comes home feeling down I tell him to go out and get some coffee or go fishing and he usually comes back feeling better. I know its hard keeping that joyous mood going so I feel your pain. Keep up the mantra and I hope things get better for all of you soon!
    3778 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5023796
    no I haven't but now I want to check it out...

    I've been having good days and bad days lately, with the whole mood thing. No real reason to be down, but feeling that way anyway. I don't think I'll ever be anything like the June Cleaver-type mom (SAH status notwithstanding)... but maybe it's b/c while I know my kids love me, they don't really show it a lot of the time. Very strong willed, very testing, very exasperating. Selfish in the way most kids are selfish. I have pour out the grace you described here (with your husband) into my kids, not letting their button-pushing activate my negative reactions; and then feeling defeated when I lose it. I find myself having to have a come-to-Jesus talk with them about twice a week. It's so draining...

    Sometimes the Spark journey is like a Wellspring, and other times it's more like work. I have to keep remininding my self to hang in regardless of how hard or easy it seems.
    3778 days ago
    I did see that movie, it was great! I AM like that woman, but more from the perspective of always entering contests thinking I might win (only in my case I never win anything...).

    I hear you about being more positive. I need to try that on for size as well. For me a big thing is taking a little more time with things. If we get ready 5 minutes early, then we may leave 5 minutes early, and if we need a minute to use the potty or look at a leaf or bug, we can take it and I don't have to be so nagging and constant with my "hurry up!" comments. That's what I've been working on.

    Guess it's time for a blog on that, huh. :)
    3778 days ago
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