Facing the moment I have been dreading.
Saturday, March 05, 2011
I knew the risk of moving back to this town and that is why I fought so hard for 6 years not to come here. I lost the battle, so here we are. It was a valiant effort, but in the end I was defeated.
Why did we move back? We were broke, losing our home, this town is cheaper and close to family (not a bonus on my end of the argument). So we live here now. My family is intact and not homeless and I have to drive 125 miles a day to work. Boo.
But my biggest reason for not wanting to return are the memories. In 1992, I was 13 and had a stalker. He was a pedophile who watched me for months going to and from school until he finally struck. I was defenseless against a gun, and even though the court case was technically a win for me, his punishment was rather underwhelming. He now lives less than 10 miles away.
For almost two decades I worried about seeing him again. It intensified when we moved back because the odds were higher that I would run into him. Last night it finally happened.
There was no confrontation, no drama, just a person on the other side of the restaurant. I didn't even react, really. It took me a moment to understand who I was looking at - he is much older, but in my mind he has been frozen in time for 20 years. I got a look of recognition from him. He knew who I was first. It was when he smiled at me that I realized who he was.
I feel like I'm okay. Maybe I'm in a bit of shock, but I seem to be handling things well. Maybe the anticipation of this moment was worse than the moment itself.