Confession, with a side of guilt.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Like many people, I am an emotional eater. I really do love food, but if left to my own devices when upset/stressed/bored/whatever, I will eat. And eat. And then eat some more. Regardless of any hunger that I may or may not actually be feeling. Not only will I eat, but I will WANT to eat crap. I crave it. Sweet, salty, it really doesn't matter.
The big difference right now? The guilt. I mean, I always would feel guilty after binging. However, now I feel guilty in advance. I feel the urge to eat, but can usually talk myself out of it with the knowledge that it isn't the right (or healthy) thing to do. I don't WANT to screw up the work I've done over the last 18 months. I don't want to regress and become the 'before' again. I just want to be.
Right now is a pretty stressful time at work. Our annual trade show is two weeks away, and everyone is feeling the crunch. Things are much worse this year than before as we are 6 staff people short - thanks to layoffs in 2010. We are all lucky to have survived, but now that makes 6 less people to do the same (well, actually more) work. For some companies this might not make that big of a difference, but there are only 23 (?) employees in my company now. That change is HUGE. Words really cannot express how frustrating it is to feel so far behind, and all I want to do is eat. Candy. Fries. Unhealthy lunches. Whatever, it doesn't matter, I just want it. I need it, crave it, feel like I will die without it.
And here comes the guilt again...