Sunday, January 23, 2011
I have found more confidence. It was hiding behind all the things I didn't try for because I thought I would fail.
In the past I would stick with what I was good at, but I never felt like I was good enough. Lurking behind me was a mountain of things I was certain I could not master. They stayed on my back, holding me down.
So I went for it. Whatever it was. The job I knew I wasn't qualified for, the social activity that made me too nervous to try, the hobby I would be terrible at, the mile I would never run, the executive at work who would despise me for being so low...
Opening that door brought me the confidence I was needing so badly. I didn't get that job, but I found out what I could do to get it in the future. I went out dancing. I was terrible, but I didn't explode. I never could paint like my grandmother the artist, but I can make a mean birthday cake. I can run for miles now, after being very sedentary for many years. And that executive didn't think I was a peon, he was impressed and was interested in scheduling a tour of my lab area.
Sometimes I succeeded, sometimes I fell on my butt. I found out that there is nothing that has so much power over me that I can't give it a go. Even if it didn't work out, there's something good about myself that I learned.