Monday, November 15, 2010
How many times am I going to do this, and fail? Yay for me trying again, but ugggg for the total failures thus far. My hubby is sweet and supportive as always, but I feel judged..it must be coming from me. I struggle to stand for more than 5 minutes at a time, with pain shooting up and down my back...all because I'm too freaking fat. The very thought of getting down on the cold, hard floor and doing push ups (um poor wrists, will they snap?) or crunches or something... it seems far from where I am now. I want to be strong and proud of myself. I want to feel and know that I'm strong and can defend myself if it's needed. Now, I just feel like a victim waiting to happen. I don't want to die before 40 from health complications from being so freaking fat. My step-son is pre-diabetic and is about to have surgery because he snores, because he too is so fat, and he's 13. Who am I to try to help or instruct him when I look like this? My hubby was thin when he met me, and he's not anymore, and it's because of my cooking and my lack of desire to do physical activity. I'm like a fat-fairy, giving fatness to all those around me, how generous. Well, I'm done with all that. Officially over it. I'm giving myself a bit over 2 years to reach my goal of a fit body and strong mind. It took a lot more than that to get me where I am now, so it's actually a pretty good deal. I've committed 4 years to Pogo, surely I can focus half that amount on something so very important to me. Carpe diem.