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Angry and Livid

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Angry and livid are just two words. I can't formulate the rest. As I blogged back in July, my BIL was killed by a distracted driver in PA. She looked down at her cell phone, which was ON HER LAP, for "one second" and bam, she killed my BIL. She took the life of another human being in that tiny little instance. Why? Because she had a text or message or SOMETHING that mattered more to her than DRIVING properly and following the effing laws!!! Well, my poor mother-in-law has been dealing with this crap, going back and forth with probate lawyers and the DA, etc, and now she has this news for me, after going to PA to sell her dead child's car and house:

*Note from Mother-in-Law:
"Where to begin. I guess with if you want to kill someone and get away with it, then move to Pennsylvania. So on Monday Dad and I and our personal injury attorney met with the ADA the DA and a police officer from (the city) where Rusty's accident occurred. It turned out to be more than we thought. But they had made their decision, which is not to charge Name Removed (the stupid effing driver, who is in her 50s and a NURSE and who should KNOW BETTER than to drive while distracted!) with a criminal negligence charge. They said that the case did not meet the standards for criminal charges. And further more, even if she had been drunk, they still would not have charged her. Apparently she would have had to been drunk and slamming into other cars and maybe hitting a telephone pole or something and then slammed into Rusty for there to be charges. So apparently you can kill someone in Philly and get away with it. And here's the best part, they are not going to give her a careless driving ticket unless we say for them to and let me tell you why. They advise against it because just like any other moving violation, she can go to court and challenge it. They said her lawyer will probably advise her to and that a judge ( and I know all about judges from Other Son, who's been through the ringer with legal crap thanks to his psychotic ex-wife) can actually say that she did not drive recklessly and find for her and declare her innocent. So how do you like that? I can't bear the thought of her being declared innocent. I just can't bear it. So we probably will tell them to just forget it. Let me tell you what I know from Other Son, judges can do whatever they want to do. And up there these judges are elected officials and not always even lawyers. So anything could happen. So Personal Injury Attorney is looking into how this is going to affect our civil law suits. The DA said there is plenty of evidence for the civil suit and not to worry that her not getting a ticket will affect that. But suppose her insurance company comes back and says "look, she didn't even get a ticket." And then again if she is found innocent, that would be even worse. So cheers to America, the land of the free."
*END OF NOTE

Now back to me:
I am so mad!!! She is basically getting away with killing someone because there are NO LAWS to protect the victims of this crap there. There are NO laws against texting/cell phone use while driving in the state of PA. NONE! People can just look away for a second to look at their stupid phone and kill someone and get away with it. Lovely!!! The civil suit will hit her personally, if they can win, which I guess is better than nothing but it pisses me off that the state doesn't see a reason to charge her with criminal negligence. MAYBE if you get drunk and smash up a couple of cars THEN they give a crap, but if you only kill ONE person, well, slap on the wrist! Go back to your job! You know, I'm sure this woman feels terrible and I hope she does. I hope she is in agony for the rest of her life for what she did. Yes, I want her to suffer because no amount of her suffering will EVER compare to what she's done to this family. None. So, screw sympathy for her, I have none anymore. I hope her life sucks. Yes, I'm taking it out on her that the state has crappy laws. I don't care. And well, if she won't pay with criminal charges I guess I want her to pay with her emotions and whatever else makes her wake up miserable over taking the life of another human being, when her job is to save lives and to help others.

Every time something comes up about this case, or we talk about the accident, the grief starts all over again for this family. Everyday, my MIL and FIL wake up knowing her middle child is dead and will never ever say hello to them or smile at them ever again. Every single day she lives with an indescribable pain. My ex will never get to see his little brother, the little shadow who trailed him through to their teenage years, again. Their youngest brother will never see his older brother, the one HE shadowed for years, ever again. He was like the perfect middle child - a best friend to his older brother for awhile, a best friend to his younger for their later years, and of course, a brother to both forever. Maybe if he weren't taken in such a horrific, tragic, shocking way, it would be easier to deal, if he'd been sick or something. But no, one person's poor judgement wiped him off the planet and there isn't even any justice for him over that.
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  • no profile photo CD1223914
    I'm sorry honey, praying for your family!
    3877 days ago
  • LADYIRISH317
    Texting and handheld cell phones while driving are as bad as drunk driving and need to be just as illegal. I am so sorry for all the pain you and your family are going through.
    3881 days ago
  • DAWNO64
    I can't even form words for this one...how is personal accountability not enforced???
    3883 days ago
  • _DASH_
    I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. It really is unfair and disgusting that there is no justice and all I can think is that she will have to live with this too. You're in my thoughts Teresa.
    3884 days ago
  • _DASH_
    I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. It really is unfair and disgusting that there is no justice and all I can think is that she will have to live with this too. You're in my thoughts Teresa.
    3884 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4670590
    The laws in this country regarding cell phones need to be more strict. So sorry for your loss and all the pain your family is going through. emoticon
    3884 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5571632
    So very sorry for all that you and your family are going through. It is all so terribly unjust.



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    3884 days ago
  • BRIAEL
    I am so sorry for all the suffering your family is experiencing. It is tragic and heartbreaking that the laws are not created to stop cell phones from being used in a vehicle.

    It's not like there aren't adapters to make them hands-free. Both fixed and mobile ones at that. There is no text message important enough (either being sent or received) that is worth taking a life for.

    As far as I'm concerned, texting while driving is akin to drinking and driving. There should be no excuse, as there is absolutely no justification for it.


    3884 days ago
  • BOVEY63
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    I am so sorry your family is going through this. So often our judicial system gives more thought to the rights of the criminal rather then to the rights of the victims. That she wasn't even given a ticket or citation is mind-boggling and infuriating. Our country needs to shift the focus to the victims and make judgements in their best interest.

    I am praying for you and your family.
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    3884 days ago
  • BARBARASDIET
    I agree with you completely. Someone above mentioned that there is a law in California against using cell phones while driving, but texting has been a grey area in that law and I don't think it has been tested yet.
    3884 days ago
  • RUNNINGNP2B
    I can't believe how easy it is to get out of something so severe, life altering and tragic. My heart goes out to you and your family, many prayers for your in laws to start to get some closure, at least legally.
    3884 days ago
  • _TRIXIE_
    I am so angry for you. I wish I knew something to say but I'm really at a loss for words. I do not understand how they aren't even going to ticket this lady. It is just disgusting. I am so sorry for you and your family. I hope you can start to heal and move forward in peace.

    Huge hugs.
    3884 days ago
  • SAMSPARK1
    I am so sorry for your loss and am amazed at the lack of response in terms of the woman's actions!!!!!!! CREATING AMANDA mentioned our new law in Ontario Canada. Thank you for your blog - this is just an example of why this law is important and a very vivid reminder of the potential for loss of life when using phones etc. when driving.
    3884 days ago
  • ABETTERCHERYL
    I so sorry to read this... what a waste. I also kind of snickered at the need for Iowa having a law against texting and driving because I figured that it was just another unnecessary law, but now I know that it DOES indeed matter. I'm sorry for your loss dearie.
    3884 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6384955
    So sorry for your loss. In California we have a law against driving and using a cell phone. I have thought it was a waste of lawmaker's time since it is already illegal to drive while distracted. I hadn't thought about the protection it offers the families of accident victims. A clear violation, no room for discussion. Your story helped me learn something. Peace to you and your family.
    3884 days ago
  • CARMINACG
    Im am so very sorry for your loss. I swear I litterly want to jump out of my car and smack phones out of people hands when I see them at a light yapping away like morons. Am much as people 'multitask' while driving clearly it just takes a second to take a life and change a family.

    Just a question - is there a form of govt you can write to like a Ombusman? In ontario we have a provincial Obmusman and they investigate services, judgments, cases, etc in all sorts of matter, to enact changes in policys to better serve the public. Maybe if you have anything like this where you live you can make your BIL's case known and, if you can get your hands on any statistics on the rate in which rulings are made with similar curcumstances (without alchol, and deemed distracted) then maybe they can make a case to harshen the punshments of these crimes. My prayers go out to your family, I hope you are able to find some peace after all this.
    3884 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6372002
    Wow. This summer a law was enacted here basically banning all handheld devices while driving (cell phones, blackberries, even GPS's if they don't have a car mount). I know so many people who are against this law but I am and always have been SO in favour of it. There is nothing so important on your cell phone that makes it worth taking another life or injuring someone else. If it's that important then for eff sakes park your car and deal with it off the road when you're not putting yourself and other people at risk.

    I don't really know what to say except I'm so, so sorry that the courts have decided to add insult to the many injuries of this poor guy's family.
    3884 days ago
  • MINIDRIVER63
    Dang, that just makes me furious! I see distracted drivers every day - running stop signs, running red lights, driving erratically. I want to shake every single one of them and ask how they'll live with themselves when (not if) they hurt or kill someone.

    So sorry for your family's loss.
    3884 days ago
  • MBSKIT
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    3884 days ago
  • GEEKSMEGGLY
    So very tragic and unfair. Prayers are with you and the family. emoticon
    3884 days ago
  • EUPHRATES
    Gods I'm so sorry...
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    3884 days ago
  • ATREAT4ME
    I am sorry to read about this tragic loss. I will keep you, and all who loved your BIL in my prayers. I am glad your MIL and FIL can turn to you and you to Spark. It will help all you to turn to some body. You have my ear. I'm sending you lots of warm love, prayers, and care.
    3884 days ago
  • GOGOSHIRE
    This sucks. Dislike. Dislike. Dislike.

    Hugs.
    3885 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5128667
    Can we say "WRONGFUL DEATH LAWSUIT"? I'm serious here........

    I hope for the best for you and your family during this horrific time......and that karma does its proper job wrt to the perpetrator (and yes, I have no qualms about calling the driver a perp despite what you've been told)!

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    3885 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6721736
    that is so sad
    3885 days ago
  • NOTMILK
    man - we need to change that. We, the poeple, should really make it a BIG deal in our own respective states and FORCE our legislature to take notice and correct it. I was almost hit a month ago running because the woman was on her cell and rolled a stop sign. She flipped me off when I hit the hood of her car with my hands. Classy. It has changed my perspective. I promise to put my phone away when I drive or to use a headset.

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    3885 days ago
  • SHEILA1505
    Hugs, love and continuing sympathy for the loss, the anger and the injustice of it all

    We see older shows from the US and I am so glad that Oprah has been campaigning for No Cellphone Zones while driving and getting celebs to sign and spreading the word. This has reminded me to pull off the road if I absolutely have to use my phone - that's why my phone has individual ring tones. I don't even believe in hands-free - I pull off the road and return a call from a safe place

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    3885 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7599351
    Not sure what to say. emoticon
    3885 days ago
  • _COSMOPAULATAN_
    emoticon I wish I had more.
    3885 days ago
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