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A big thank you all!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

For sending good thought in my times of despair!

Yesterday I went to an AA meeting after crying for hours. Before I went in I spoke on the phone with my daughters teacher and it dawned to me that she thinks that my daughter might have ADHD. Which I have a very hard time to believe and after reading all I can find about it on the net I believe it even less.

Against ADHD is that my daughter is not "moody" with tantrums or depressed behaviour. She does not have a bad self image or confidence (so far) She does not put herself in danger by doing stupid things and she has never impulsively done something that was stupid. Her language is very advanced and she is "normal" in school subjects. Her coordination is okay – but I have engaged her in gymnastics, circus and dancing since she was little since I believe that you need to train coordination and muscles to develop your brain.

But my research on the net says that most research are done on boys, they do not know how adhd girls behave...

For adhd is that she speaks to much and without thinking in class, has a hard time to work when things happen around her and have a hard time to be still – I call her the "antsypantsy"...

The teacher will engage a "specialpedagog" to come in the class and observe what happens.

And me – I ordered magnesia oil and gel from internet (93 euros!)

Because her behaviour with speaking and interfering is also a need for attention and I know that she does not get that much of it at her fathers.

Autumn break is coming up...she is coming monday and staying all week. I will have to work half days but the rest I will really try to find ways to be with her, give her massage and maybe find some dancing or other activities for her!

For me? Well attending an AA meeting helps. The first guy to share is normally very boring, he tells pointless stories and talks to long... and this time he suddenly revealed (after five years of sobriety and the man is about 60 years) that both his parent were alcoholics and his fathers friends used to abuse him when he was very young.

He can be as boring as he wants in the future. I was humbly reminded that I never know what burdens other people carry and I am privileged to get to hear their shares.

I felt a lot better after that meeting. I am not alone. And again – thank you all who took the time to write encouraging words to me!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • INGMARIE
    Glad to see you go to the meetings.
    As far as ADHD is concerned it is used to often on kids that are easily distracted or just to talkative
    take care.
    3647 days ago
  • 1_AMAZING_WOMAN
    I think the ADHD label is given out way too frequently. It used to be 'natural' for kids to be antsy, and they wore it off on the playground, in gym class, or in sports. Now those activities are greatly curtailed. So, what's a child to do with all that energy they didn't get to wear off, but be antsy in class, and talk too much.

    Maybe your child has ADHD(maybe not), but I'd be really cautious about starting a child on meds which they would likely be on for a life-time. Better to be sure. Maybe see if there are other ways to handle it instead.

    Wishing you the best.

    I am happy for you that you get to spend a week with your daughter.

    Amber
    3648 days ago
  • MAGNOLIA416
    I wish the best for you and your daughter
    3648 days ago
  • TIGGERIFFIC123
    So glad to hear that you went to your meeting. Not only did you go but you realized something in the process! WAY TO GO!!

    As for ADHD my 8 year old daughter has ADHD and a Generalized Anxiety Disorder. ADHD is girls is a little different than boys and certainly shows up differently in the younger years than teenagers. For my daughter the school noticed it before we did. There they have the expectation of children to sit still, stay in their seats, raise their hands to talk, complete work etc. My daughter cannot do any of the above for very long. Everyone who knows an loves her has called her Tigger from the time she could crawl. Full of energy, full of life, happy, creative, chatty and a pleasure to be with....most of the time! She cannot sit still even when reading to me each night. She flips upside downso her feet are in the air, lays down, flips over and starts the rotation all over again. She is very easily distracted by others and when there is no one to distract her she distracts herself...lol She is a dreamer. We often have to remind her to stay focused.

    Asking her to get dressed can be a chore. Some days no problem, most days she goes to her room and gets distracted with toys, making her bed and 20 minutes later she wanders downstairs still not dressed. When you ask her she says she forgot. Typically these kids are forgetful, unfocused or hyper focused (you have trouble getting their attention as they are so engaged in what they are doing), rush through work or struggle to get it done. They are unorganized and the disorganization makes it very difficult for them to function.

    Anyway I could write a book on it! Between my daughter and the number of children and youth I have worked with in childrens mental health, I know a fair bit on the subject. Please feel free to spark mail me with any questions or clarification and I will help you out as best I can.

    Take Care,
    Rhonda
    3649 days ago
  • SILLYHP1953
    That old adage that you can't judge a book by its cover is really true. We have no idea what's going on in someone's mind and soul.

    I try really hard to not give advice, to just share my experience, strength, and hope. With my kids, who have been through pretty much anything you can name (except physical deformity), I tried to be very open and honest with them when they were growing up. I had to learn on the older ones so the younger ones got more of that benefit. I don't know your daughter's age, but she may be old enough to have an open and honest talk with about adhd symptoms and see what she thinks about it. That may be enough for her to open up about what is going on with her in school. I'm not a counselor or teacher, so I'm just talking off the top of my head. Take what you like and leave the rest as they say in my meetings!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Phyllis
    3649 days ago
  • JANLEEW
    Whatever works in the moment is good. We are always here to listen and support you.
    3649 days ago
  • KAMAPERRY
    emoticon emoticon
    3649 days ago
  • MYRNA53
    Reaching out when I am down is so hard for me to do. Good for you for having the courage and taking the step to reach out!

    'Jocalat' has a good point about the ADD/ADHD...the teacher may be seeing something that we don't as parents. Children respond differently at school than at home. If the teacher can access specialists to assess your daughter, accept this. It may come back that she does not have it but then your mind is at rest. If she does have it, then you will have options to discuss with your pediatrician and school.

    You sound like a great Mom....doing the research is a good way to start.
    emoticon
    3649 days ago
  • JOCALAT
    I have had a few girls with add/adhd...I have a checklist bookmarked on my school computer..let me get the link for you tomorrow so you can take a look at it and see what they are looking for...its not moodiness, most kids with add/adhd are very intelligent..I find them to be very creative. It's more about losing things, not completing work, homework without being off task many times unless an adult is sitting right with the student...constantly redirecting them to stay on task, disorganized, forgetting things, ect...let me get back to you tomorrow and see if what I have helps. It's good the teacher spoke to you about it and that you have a professional coming in to observe. A lot of times your pediatrician will have their own paperwork to be filled out by you, the teacher and sometimes a special are a teacher. This may very well come back and not be add/adha but its good to rule it out so you can get to the bottom of what is going on with your daughter so you can help her be successful!! Your a great mom..hang in there!!
    3649 days ago
  • ONEKIDSMOM
    Thank you for sharing something I needed to be reminded of this morning. Glad you're working things through! emoticon
    3649 days ago
  • CHRISTURTLE
    What a wonderful blog! You went to your meeting and you were rewarded for doing so - the realization that everyone has issues to deal with. We may not know at the time, and they may keep them hidden deep inside themselves,but very few people are fortunate enough to be issue free. I know that by that guy finally feeling able to share what he did was a huge step in the right direction for him. God has His own ways of teaching us what we need to know at times, and I think this was one of those times.

    Hugs, my friend,
    Chris. emoticon
    3650 days ago
  • DSJB9999
    Glad to hear you feeling more positive! You can always do this! love and hugs Donna x emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3650 days ago
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