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Fighting off a binge

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Evening, all. I'm writing tonight in an attempt to ward off a binge. Here's what's causing that nagging, "Must eat everything dipped in peanut butter" feeling.

On Tuesday, the husband and father of two of my Jazzercise students committed suicide. The daughter is roughly my age, and my heart hurts immensely for them. I didn't know him well, but we had met before.

More than that, this situation brought back a LOT of memories for me surrounding the suicide of one of our students last year. I haven't been sleeping much because I just keep thinking about all of the lives these two deaths have impacted and how nothing can ever be the same.

I can beg my weight gain earlier this year to two major factors: 1. A ridiculously awful break up and 2. Ryan's suicide. I absolutely drowned my sorrows in food because, in the moment, it was more comforting than anything else.

After the wake tonight, I went to dinner with my parents, and then came home to my house. I wanted something chocolate, so I made a 25 calorie pack of hot chocolate. I wanted something sweet, so I ate a few Gerber yogurt snacks (don't judge! They're delicious!). Now, I have no physical hunger whatsoever, but boy, could I eat.

I see this as a huge sign of improvement -- the fact that I'm writing right now instead of being elbow deep in a half gallon of ice cream. I wouldn't have even hesitated before... I would have just binged. Even as I'm writing now, I feel the urge going away... which would make this, like, the second time I've ever successfully staved off a binge. It might seem small, but it feels like a MAJOR accomplishment to me!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FVHORVATH
    Death is hard and so many suffer from it. Not just the family but friends suffer too! I am soory for this family it has to be terrible not knowing the why as you would with a heartattack or another cause.

    Be strong I know you cando this! And as for the baby food it is good!!!! Any time I have dental work that is what I eat and I love it!
    3689 days ago
  • MAIRESAURUS
    My condolences. I didn't know them, but I can empathize. Congratulations on improving your coping skills - sometimes, it just takes a few jots of the pen to unferl our reasons for binging (or engaging in other negative coping strategies).
    3689 days ago
  • FIT2TEACHNC
    OH girl, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of their father...how heartbreaking. :( Fight the binge, you can do it!!!!
    3689 days ago
  • JEANUT
    I'm so sorry to hear about their father. Good for you not giving into your cravings. I agree with you writing it out does help. Prayers headed out for those 2 students & their family and for you too.
    3689 days ago
  • ZNEKITA
    It IS a MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT. Hopefully, each time you are able to stave off these binges it will become easier. It's also great that we have this venue to write out our feelings and get support. Hang in there.
    3690 days ago
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