Tuesday, October 19, 2010
This blog has been brewing for quite a while. It might be incoherent, but I need this place to sort some of my thoughts here while I think through my life right now.
I'm still struggling with balancing my Work & Personal Life.
This is the one life I get. This is IT, and it's important (to me) that I find a way to live through pressures which are certain to return in my life.
If it isn't the current object of my frustration (huge re-organization at work), it will certainly be something else some other time.
I get to choose how I react! I GET TO CHOOSE.
So I can choose to imagine that these insecurities, the stress, frustration and how overwhelmed I feel right now can be labeled growing pains. It can be really painful to grow as a person and learn about myself.
Now I'm in a position as a leader from being a co-worker to my staff before. There's a whole new dynamics right there... I've got a lot to learn and I have to learn to handle some new responsibilities for the first time. Being conscientious and perfectionist makes ME put the pressure on _myself_.
I can dare to rise above the detail focus I've had lately.
I can dare to let my staff make mistakes (which THEY will learn from too).
I can choose to focus on what is important in the long run and set some milestones to reach on the way there.
The expectations I have had of where we "should be" are unhealthy!
And unwarranted, because those around me (my bosses) do not expect "everything" to be ship-shape tomorrow.... or indeed next year! According to my boss we won't be back to "normal" until 2012.
How long can I live in this state of (slowly improving) limbo?
I have put the pressure on myself because I need some structure and some things to be done with - and soon!
I can take baby steps through some of the ongoing problems.
I can't solve everything tomorrow, but I can make some improvements on many fronts.
And I can begin to work on what I want to do when I grow up. Will I ever?