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win-win

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Two days ago I had a lot of chocolate in the evening. Woke up yesterday and felt really lousy- Self contempt for the eating but also a slight headache and no energy.

All day was "itchy" and filled with emotions of being worthless and insufficient.

In the evening I went to my nephew for the weekly administration. I am terrible with my economy and pay a lot of extra fees because I am so sloppy with my papers. My nephew was driving drunk when he was eighteen and ended up in a wheelchair. He is today...35 years old and an alcoholic. Very alone and lives nearby me. Since I moved back here I have thought that I want to socialize with him, he is very alone, but we have not that much in common and it has felt uncomfortable just to pop by and socialize...

But this paperbusiness gave me a win-win idea. I can´t keep order for myself, but I am good in doing things if I have a responsibility towards others. So I asked him if we could meet once a week and sort papers, he is doing his and I am doing mine, it´s just that we sit together and chat a little while we do it.

He agreed and we have done this three times now... it is SUCH a good idea! My papers are in order, my bills are registered with my bank and waiting to be paid at the correct date, I am very happy about it.

My nephew has been a little more reluctant, the first time I came to his house he was just sort of hanging around, doing this and that and never really got to sorting papers. I did not question him, I did my thing, stayed for about an hour and left. Next time he was a little calmer and stayed a little longer at the desk, I still did my thing and left.

Yesterday he was with me all the time! He sorted all his bills and added the sum and checked his account... and we had a long chat afterwards about this and that.

This changed my day, felt a lot better after leaving him. This is such a win-win situation for me, I have of course sorted my papers many times in my life and every time it´s done I think "never again..." and then a new situation slowly builds up... by this "method" I will hopefully build good habits with my administration and at the same time get to hang out with my nephew in a way that seems good for both of us.

Today I am unfortunately "bad" again. Not that I overate yesterday, but I have had nightmares about my daughter and I woke up with a slight headache again. I will try to take good care of myself today and see if it is better by tomorrow...

Thanks for reading.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SILLYHP1953
    What a wonderful idea. I, too, have piles of papers and mail and bills that I put off. And all this reminds me I have one bill due.

    Luckily chocolate is not one of my downfalls, well, except for brownies. And chocolate cookies with peanut butter chips. Ok, maybe it is a problem. My mother-in-law makes wonderful brownies and looks devastated if you don't eat them. But I resisted last time.

    By the grace of God I never became an alcoholic, and now hardly ever drink, a few times a year. After my husband died driving drunk it seemed I was going to take over the drinking for him. Crazy. I probably was certifiable but everyone thought I was doing so well. I'm glad your nephew has you and you have him. Win-win situations aren't that easy to find.

    emoticon emoticon Phyllis
    3657 days ago
  • KAMAPERRY
    Awesome idea!!!
    3657 days ago
  • BUGGYS
    You have developed a great support system for you and your nephew and if your nephew can feel your love and concern, maybe his life will turn around...it is a win-win situation!!!
    3657 days ago
  • GATOR12
    I so applaud your love and concern for your nephew. My son is an alcoholic too and not in a good place. Like all HUMans they can all USE A FRIEND who doesn't want to change them just be with them. You aren't looking at his house or criticize him or his lifestyle. I could cry, when I think how I wish my son had someone who would give him that time. They do isolate themselves and need that socialization that doesn't have drinking involved. WIN=WIN IS CORRECT. GOD BLESS YOU! Brenda
    3657 days ago
  • MAGNOLIA416
    You're welcome to come to my place to inspire me to organize my paperwork, any time! And I can practice Swedish, too!

    What a nice thing you've done for your nephew! har det bra!
    3657 days ago
  • no profile photo PAMINHALF
    I love your win-win situation. Make today a better day for you.
    3657 days ago
  • SEAWAVE
    You're definitely not 'bad' - your innovative idea to reach a win-win situation with your nephew is proof of that! We all make bad choices from time to time. But once they're done and over, you have to let it be DONE AND OVER and not carry it around with you as guilt. I love your buddy system with your nephew; you've inspired me to think of ways I can work in a buddy system (aside form SparkPeople, of course!)for some of my goals.
    3657 days ago
  • INGMARIE
    I like this win-win situation you have going,it is good for both of you.

    And I agree you are not bad, sometimes you make bad choices,
    we all do. emoticon we have all seen this little guy before.
    All we can do is try again "up and at'im" so to speak.
    Hace a marvellous day. emoticon
    3657 days ago
  • CHRISTURTLE
    I think your idea is a wonderful one - definitely a win-win situation. You are always able to come up with really clever ways to overcome a problem. Maybe I should find a friend who has the same lack of book keeping motivation as I do, and try the same thing with her.

    I am sitting here writing this reply to you while eating chocolate, and not just chocolate, very dark, bittersweet chocolate. That in itself may not be too bad, because there are only a few squares left from last week, but the thing is that I am allergic to chocolate, especially dark chocolate, and I know it gives me a migraine, beginning with a slight headache within 30 minutes of the first square of chocolate being swallowed. I already have the slight headache, and yet I'm not stopping. I will eat what's left from last week, and then there will be no more in the house. I will not buy any more, this chocolate was a gift from a few months ago, and it has taken till last week to open it

    You are not 'bad' today, or any other day. You may make some food choices that aren't as good as the others, but you aren't bad. What you are is human, and like all of us, you have times when even though you know you are going to regret your choice, you go with it anyway. Tomorrow is a new day, and a new start. Believe that, and when you wake in the morning, do so having forgotten the choices that you made today.

    I know I shouldn't be eating my chocolate, but I am, and I do so knowing I am not going to be well because of it tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. Another chance to make the right choices with our new day, for both of us.

    Hugs, my wonderful friend,
    Chris.
    3657 days ago
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