Sadness on My Doorstep
Monday, October 18, 2010
Bad news this week. My ex's new wife (my kiddo's stepmom) is 34 years old and in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism following surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from her groin. Her prognosis was guarded before this happened, and now it's looking grimmer.
Also my dear friend's mother is in the final stages of Parkinson's disease. She's hospitalized and my friend is hearing her express a desire to "not go on like this."
I think I'm holding on by my fingernails to not "eat over" this sadness and worry. I know I have a pattern of absorbing other people's pain. It lets me feel close to them, useful (I'm a helper) and therefore worthy of love. All this insight is nice, but I still feel so sad. I guess that's the point. Feel the sadness but do something different with it.
Strangely, I haven't felt like eating ice cream or other favorite self-soothing/self-stuffing foods. But if I got started, I know I would probably do it.
So I'm hanging on and exercising a lot. It seems to help stave off the food cravings, and certainly gives me an alternative focus.
Hug your loved ones, Sparkers, and treat your one life like the precious gift it is -- pain, joy, uncertainty and all.