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Life is Stressful, I Need to be In Control

Saturday, October 16, 2010

There is so much that I want to blog about but I can't really put it all into words, or at least I can't articulate it all here and now. I feel like my WTF challenge stands for "What the Fail"..but.. that's such a failure way of thinking, right? I mean, I was sick for two weeks and the week before THAT I was on my period, so yeah, past 3 weeks have just been crappy for me in regards to sparking. Some of it was not my fault (the cold I had REALLY wiped me out and it lingered and lingered) but I'm sure I could have done a few things differently in that time. Like, I could have NOT eaten McD's or Taco Bell a few too many times in the past week or so. But man, those chicken sandwiches felt so GOOD on my throat when it was killing me. I know it's sad, but true! I ate soup a lot at home but yeah, every now and then I just wanted crappy food and I succumbed because when I'm sick I am weak. I am also tired and lazy when I am sick.

Sometimes, I just don't know what the hell I'm doing. I know what I want (to lose weight and to look really damn good physically) but I don't like exercising, I don't LIKE to sweat, I don't like all the effort you have to put into it. I hate all the aching my body goes through when I work out and I hate having to stretch it all out and I hate showering every single day, which I have to do if I work out. Right now, that's just how I feel, even though I KNOW the end result makes it all so worth the effort! I KNOW that I need to work my ass off in order to see the results, I do, I know that and I respect that. And usually, I'm okay with that. Right now, though, I am in a FUNK. And I am allowing myself to stay there. I haven't really and truly worked out since about May or June, outside of a little here, a little there. I know part of it is that I don't have a workout buddy, not that you NEED one of those, but if I did this would be a lot more fun. The house mate needs to get in shape, too. I should start being more forceful about him coming along on walks and working out to some Billy Blanks or Jillian Michaels.

And life just sort of sucks right now. I need a job. I need to finish school but I may not be able to afford it if I don't find a job. I need the house mate to find a job so we can continue to live in this house and pay our bills. We are dangerously close to running out of money that we have in our savings and that scares me. But, I don't really want to write about that because it's too personal and depressing. I've applied for work, he's applied, we can only hope to hear something soon! Hell, we're even applying for seasonal work for now. I want to continue attending school but I worry about being able to do that with a job and a kid, too. Thankfully, my course program is flexible and I can pretty much take classes during any two-hour blocks between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m., Monday through Thursday, so I should be able to swing a job and school and motherhood.

Thinking about that stuff just does a number on my mental state and I guess I've been stressing myself out, thinking about all of the stuff going wrong in my life (not knowing if you are going to be able to live in your home in 4 months is like walking a tightrope without a net!!!) and allowing myself to get wrapped up in that (my future weighs HEAVILY on my mind) and it paralyzes me and stops me from doing all of the right, healthy things in the meantime. Getting sick certainly did not help.

So, anyway, I know what I NEED to do, I just need to do it. I've got to take over and get out there and exercise and stop eating the crappy food because if I am in control of THAT, at least I'm in control of one thing, right? I can't let the stress control me and make me eat bad stuff or make me want to sit around being lazy. So, how can I do it? One thing I know I need to do is get a bunch of motivational quotes and put them all over the house where I can see them and REMIND myself of what I want to do, what I need to do and WHY and how! If something is out of sight, it tends to be out of mind after awhile with me. Gotta get a vision board finished, too. Get that sucker OUT of the closet and up on the wall!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh gosh that's a lot of stress. I hope and pray things will get better. I know you can do it. It's hard at first and it might get harder. But I know things will get better. And don't feel bad about being unemployed. It's really hard to find a job these days. When I get stressed about things, I usually try Tai Chi 24 step or I walk around the marketplace. The scenery usually puts my mind at ease.
    3894 days ago
    It sounds as though you are feeling extremely overwhelmed. You are facing many difficult challenges all at once-any of which can be extremely discouraging. I know I have been there, but for some reason things work out. You have some good ideas for getting out of the funk, and taking the steps you need to succeed. I often find it necessary to utilize every resource available. As I read your blog, I see many things I have faced and or am facing. When I first began exercising I hated every step. I knew my life literally depended on it. It took me about two years, but now I can hardly bear to do without. You may need to experiment a bit until you find some sort of activity you enjoy. It doesn't need to be structured, just move. Playtime offers many types of movement. Games, Dance, (I have become a wii junkie) I hope you find something that is not a chore.
    Being stressed and sick are a double whammy which often occur simultaneously. Those are the times we often just don't care. However, the effort of going through the motions is worth it in the end.
    The choices you have made in the past are over. Each moment is a new opportunity.
    Slow and Steady wins the race. emoticon emoticon
    3894 days ago
  • BOVEY63
    It can be so difficult to stay on track when your not feeling well or when your stressed - and you've had both. I wish there was something I could do to help, but know that I am praying that solutions will come your way soon.
    3894 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4670590
    Life is piling on and events are taking their toll on your mental health. At times like these eating healthy and exercise are good stress reducers. Take one problem at a time. Finding a job is the most urgent. Make a list of what you can do to insure this happens and work that list. Plan your day and incorporate eating healthy and exercising. When you are feeling out of control, control what you can. At the end of the day you will feel better.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3895 days ago
    Wow, you do have a lot of stress in your life. I'm sure there is some positive stuff in your life that you could remind yourself that it's not all bad. I think a vision board is a great idea. Stay active you know, "fake it until you make it" is that how the saying goes?
    I'm hoping things turn around and soon you both will be employed.
    3895 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1480519
    Stress does so much damage physically and mentally. Have you tried pilates or yoga? Not so sweaty, and still a kick butt workout.
    3895 days ago
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