Ready to fly again...
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Yesterday I had one of my seminars – close to disaster as it was only two people attending. But we made great anyway and I will try to not feel guilty over it, I did put in the same amount of work as if it had been twenty people...
Anyway, there was a lady entrepreneur who had just started her own B&B, very inspirational, as she was 55 years old and did this because she realised that her kids had left home and this was her opportunity to do something fullyhearted in work (she had worked parttime all years as the kids were growing up)
We came to talk about Fly lady and I showed her the web page and told her about the light bulb moments Fly lady has brought in my life – apart from all the fun moments, I really love the attitude of the lady!
This B&B lady looked totally perplexed and I felt that she did not understand at all. She was obviously the kind of person that Fly lady calls BO = Born organized.
I felt that old feeling of inferiority come creeping. What kind of failure am I that needs a program from USA with daily e-mails to keep my house tidy...?
Whoa there! The thing is, I never learned how to clean a house properly. My mother was the kind of person who cleaned thoroughly, which meant that whenever she did it, she was totally exhausted afterwards. She scrubbed the floors on her knees, she said they would not be REALLY clean else... She was not hysterically cleaning, the house was okay to my remembrance, but I never really learned how to keep my house tidy in a balanced way...
So I have spent my life in an on-off manner. My house has gotten more and more unorganised, total chaos ("Cant-have-anyone-over-syndro
me" according to flylady) until I got so fed up I cleaned for two days and then – totally exhausted – promised myself that THIS TIME I would not let it get as messy again, I would maintain a certain order... and after a while it started to mess up again and the spiral started again...
From "feng-shui"-books and "Organize your life"-books I have learned that mess comes from three reasons:
1. A thing has not a proper place
2. You have to many things compared to the room you got for them
and 3. you have some psychological hinder to keeping order.
1 and 2 could be dealt with, I realised I had not decided proper places for all things and started doing so. I had too many things for the rooms I had and started to clean out.
Number 3 I thought was unsolvable until I stumbled over flylady, She showed me that I lacked healthy processes to look after myself and my house and I have started changing.
Moving into the house of my friend and living there for a year has been a setback to my flying. I have reduced my things a lot but as this house is still a building site, there is not enough room or storeplaces for the things I have, I simply have lived with that they mess up all the time. The routine I have kept has been "swish-and-swipe" the bathroom every morning, it´s automatic and takes about 30-45 seconds to swipe off the wc and handbasin – I never have to rush into the bathroom if I have an unexpected visit to freshen it up, it is always presentable...
I have to work with that feeling of shame that I am not a "BO" – I want to be proud of the fact that I am really trying to find an action plan that works for me! Flylady and my own effort has changed me, and I am proud. And it makes me love myself more.
And that is also another insight that has struck this week. I have a bad habit of postponing writing the interviews I do, sometimes many days passes before I do it which makes it really hard, I don´t know what my scribblings means, and I have forgotten some things... I have tried to change from a moral view – this is not a good person, a good person would act different. This behaviour has given me bad conscience and has lowered my self esteem... but the RESULT has not been noticeable different. That is the rest of the world has not suffered from my behaviour, just me.
And I realised that I don´t need to change from a moral view, I need to change because I need to take care of myself, I need to nurture myself and feel good about myself. To write my articles as soon as possible after making the interviews is and act of loving myself...
The same with cleaning my house, I am not a morally better or worse person depending on how messy my house is, my life is easier and more enjoyable when I find things immediately and don´t have to wade through dust every day...
It´s not even egoistic – I know that the better I feel about myself and the more I love myself, the more love and service I am able to give to the people surrounding me.
I am ready to fly again!
Thanks for reading