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Ready to fly again...

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Yesterday I had one of my seminars – close to disaster as it was only two people attending. But we made great anyway and I will try to not feel guilty over it, I did put in the same amount of work as if it had been twenty people...

Anyway, there was a lady entrepreneur who had just started her own B&B, very inspirational, as she was 55 years old and did this because she realised that her kids had left home and this was her opportunity to do something fullyhearted in work (she had worked parttime all years as the kids were growing up)

We came to talk about Fly lady and I showed her the web page and told her about the light bulb moments Fly lady has brought in my life – apart from all the fun moments, I really love the attitude of the lady!

This B&B lady looked totally perplexed and I felt that she did not understand at all. She was obviously the kind of person that Fly lady calls BO = Born organized.

I felt that old feeling of inferiority come creeping. What kind of failure am I that needs a program from USA with daily e-mails to keep my house tidy...?

Whoa there! The thing is, I never learned how to clean a house properly. My mother was the kind of person who cleaned thoroughly, which meant that whenever she did it, she was totally exhausted afterwards. She scrubbed the floors on her knees, she said they would not be REALLY clean else... She was not hysterically cleaning, the house was okay to my remembrance, but I never really learned how to keep my house tidy in a balanced way...

So I have spent my life in an on-off manner. My house has gotten more and more unorganised, total chaos ("Cant-have-anyone-over-syndro
me" according to flylady) until I got so fed up I cleaned for two days and then – totally exhausted – promised myself that THIS TIME I would not let it get as messy again, I would maintain a certain order... and after a while it started to mess up again and the spiral started again...

From "feng-shui"-books and "Organize your life"-books I have learned that mess comes from three reasons:
1. A thing has not a proper place
2. You have to many things compared to the room you got for them
and 3. you have some psychological hinder to keeping order.

1 and 2 could be dealt with, I realised I had not decided proper places for all things and started doing so. I had too many things for the rooms I had and started to clean out.
Number 3 I thought was unsolvable until I stumbled over flylady, She showed me that I lacked healthy processes to look after myself and my house and I have started changing.

Moving into the house of my friend and living there for a year has been a setback to my flying. I have reduced my things a lot but as this house is still a building site, there is not enough room or storeplaces for the things I have, I simply have lived with that they mess up all the time. The routine I have kept has been "swish-and-swipe" the bathroom every morning, it´s automatic and takes about 30-45 seconds to swipe off the wc and handbasin – I never have to rush into the bathroom if I have an unexpected visit to freshen it up, it is always presentable...

I have to work with that feeling of shame that I am not a "BO" – I want to be proud of the fact that I am really trying to find an action plan that works for me! Flylady and my own effort has changed me, and I am proud. And it makes me love myself more.

And that is also another insight that has struck this week. I have a bad habit of postponing writing the interviews I do, sometimes many days passes before I do it which makes it really hard, I don´t know what my scribblings means, and I have forgotten some things... I have tried to change from a moral view – this is not a good person, a good person would act different. This behaviour has given me bad conscience and has lowered my self esteem... but the RESULT has not been noticeable different. That is the rest of the world has not suffered from my behaviour, just me.

And I realised that I don´t need to change from a moral view, I need to change because I need to take care of myself, I need to nurture myself and feel good about myself. To write my articles as soon as possible after making the interviews is and act of loving myself...

The same with cleaning my house, I am not a morally better or worse person depending on how messy my house is, my life is easier and more enjoyable when I find things immediately and don´t have to wade through dust every day...

It´s not even egoistic – I know that the better I feel about myself and the more I love myself, the more love and service I am able to give to the people surrounding me.

I am ready to fly again!

Thanks for reading
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wonderful blog!
    I actually copied it and printed it because I thought it was describing in such a good way what it is all about: that you have to treat yourself the way you would treat a person you love a lot.
    Thank you!
    3641 days ago
    emoticon Meddy, this is an awesome blog about some challenges in your life and how you are learning to manage them, for you, for a better life. Thank you for sharing this, you have given me something to think about! (I am definitely not a "bo" either ;)
    3663 days ago
    Nice blog! Your new place is going to be a great way to apply what you've learned from the Fly Lady, and wow how nice to have your own place again!

    I struggle with home organizing too, and I'm a librarian, I know about ordering things for efficiency!

    p.s. you are correct, Canadian Thanksgiving and American Thanksgiving are at different times. Ours is in the peak of pretty fall colours and is more about gratitude for the harvest, the American is closer to Christmas.
    3663 days ago
  • DSJB9999
    wonderful blog, great to hear from you.

    hope to fly with you soon (and clear some of my clutter too!)

    love Donna x
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3664 days ago
  • SILLYHP1953
    I know I'm grateful you found sparkpeople and somehow we found each other on here so I can read your blogs! I learned about flylady a few weeks ago but have not been able, no, I have just not started following her advise yet. Well, maybe in a way, since I've been bringing down all the boxes in my attic and going through them for a yard sale next Saturday. Today they are all down, so just have to go through them all. I am ready to let go of stuff, some stuff, but that's a beginning.

    Thanks for showing me how it is possible to change and it doesn't have to be for "moral" reasons.

    emoticon Phyllis
    3664 days ago
    Thank yiu for this very thoughtful blog. Isn't it wonderful that we CAN change and grow even or maybe especially at our age. Your honesty and insight is inspiring.
    3664 days ago
    Love this blog. I too love Flylady!
    3664 days ago
    Wonderful of you to share your learning. Learning to love yourself, and to give yourself permission to be imperfect, actually opens your life and your heart to more positive things. Although I'm known as the oganizer in every professional aspect of my life, and even personally on bigger projects, it's the everyday things that I tend to neglect. I'm a FlyBaby too, and still learning to take care of those small things that will eventually rid me of that dreaded CHAOS syndrome! Happy Flying!
    3664 days ago
    Interesting blog...thanks for sharing!!
    3664 days ago
    Never heard of Flylady, found her site looks like a couple more hours of reading lol
    Thank you.
    3665 days ago
    That's a wonderful blog. Learning to love ourselves is one of life's most important lessons. You're so right. I've not found Flylady. Sounds like something I need. I'll google her!
    3665 days ago
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