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The weight I used to think I was fat at sounds so good today..any of you been there?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Sometimes when some of my sparkfriends hit a new weight range like 180's or 170's or any of the ones I am not in yet...

I will comment in support and then say or think "AWWW the 180's I can't wait"

"Aww the 160's that is a dream"

I DID THIS TOO WHEN I WAS 221 and someone weighed 210... then I couldn't wait for 210 or ONDERLAND.....

Well today I noticed one of my sparkfriends is almost in the 150's....

and I smiled to myself and said that line again "AWW the 150's.... that is so skinny" LOL

The crazy thing is back years ago when I hit 150 I JOINED WEIGHT WATCHERS for the first time in my life!..

I thought I was so fat.... but I wasn't! I had always been 125 in high school and 150 seemed like I needed to go get help and so I joined WW!
I had 1 child that was about 3 yrs old and a girl I worked with said to me "I remember when you started here at work you were so small and you used to wear this one pair of jeans with so and so shirt and you were so cute!"
I loved this friend and she was slim and always worked at staying trim and thin and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I needed to go lose weight. She was 20 yrs older than me. She counted fat grams like nobodies business and everytime we ate something at work she would tell us how many fat grams were in it! LOL It annoyed some people but not me LOL

She didn't mean to hurt my feelings when she reminded me how skinny I used to be when I started that job, but secretly it did.

I took it to heart and I set out to fix my fat self!

I lost 20 lbs with WW and kept it off for several years (until I had another baby LOL)

BUT TODAY I look back and here is the kicker about all this:

WHEN I started there I weighed 108 and wore a size 2 ( I am 5'7" so a 2 is too thin)

I had just gone through a divorce and I never ate because of all the stress.....
Believe I did hit a day in my life where I started eating when I was stressed but at this time in my life... I did not eat or feed the stress or any emotions really.
I looked anorexic.
THE revelation... is this (SHE thought I looked good)

So therefore her perception of what weight I should be was already distorted!

I looked up to her and loved her to death... so I believed her perception.

Although I only lost 20 to get to 130 I always felt like she thought I was still a little overweight.... but my family assured me 130 was plenty thin for my frame! Plus my boss had a crush on me and I had learned that he liked superskinny women so therefore I DID NOT WANT TO GET SUPERSKINNY EVER AGAIN.... that way he would leave me alone and quit flirting!

My family dug out old pictures of me to show me what I had looked like at 108
and I asked them "WHO IS THAT" they were pictures of me standing with my back to the camera.... and I didn't know who that skinny person was....
It was me.... and I didn't know I looked THAT THIN!

TODAY August 27, 2010 I can say that 150 sounds like a dream....

AWW to be 150


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This is great!! I remember way back when joining WW and thinking the same thing! Now to be @ 150 sounds like a dream!!
    3215 days ago
    It's so easy to have a distorted image of yourself isn't it - I did too when I was in my late teens/ early twenties. I weighed around 130lbs then, which is fine for my height (I'm 5'6 ish), but was convinced I was too fat. I think one of the reasons was too much time spent in those awful communal changing rooms (don't know if they were so prevalent in the US as her ein the UK) and seeing all the other women as slimmer than me. I don't think this was real looking back, but rather in my mind. Spent a lot of time going on half-hearted diets trying to lose the 'excess' pounds.
    3353 days ago
    You just created one great blog. Thank you! Was this me you were describing? Mercy sakes alive~I do believe God Cloned us. Smiling with complete empathy, as well as chuckling pretty much right where you are. Besides at 108, have you ever look in the mirror, SMILED BRIGHT, & TOOK A MOMENT...thanking God for creating you just right? When I began this, it was as if God welcomed me by sweetly granting more of a weight loss. If not, there was somebody(gulp, yes me) who, was grabbing jolly ranchers to moisten my mouth, rather than water and ice cubes. Mercy she even used BLUE CHEESE CHUNKS on her salads for a few days, Fresh peaches, canned apples by the jars from Mom as well as Grand Mother. Not confessing everything at once~so this shall stop! lol

    3353 days ago
    I can really relate to this. When I got married I weighed around 140. I always thought I was fat. Even though I was wearing a size 5-7 at the time, I thought I was the equivalent to the fat woman in a side show!
    I think 160 sounds lovely--at my height, 150 would probably be better, but I don't really care what the charts say or even what size I wear anymore. I want to develop healthy habits that will last--that's really far more important than the size we wear or what the chart says we should weigh. (Or even what others think we should weigh!)
    3359 days ago
  • SALINA78
    LOVED the blog!

    3362 days ago
    Great blog! I dream of 150! I think I was 150 in high school and that was fat, but would love, love love to be there again! You are SOOO close!
    3362 days ago
    Just twenty pounds to 150--you will do it! But watch out for that boss! lol
    3362 days ago
    Completely agree! I was just looking at pictures of a while ago and was thinking how good I looked. But when the pictures were the present I remember getting the pictures and saying if only I was skinnier this would be a better picture. It's all in perception!
    3364 days ago
    Absolutely am with you on this one. Before I got pregnant I was trying to lose about 15 lbs. I was so frustrated with the weight I gained and none of my clothes were fitting.

    Now, here I am, 1 year and 1 baby later, longing for 174 lbs. I'm getting there, but progress is slow going, and motivation is definately waining.

    Even at 160 I was extremely self conscious (even though I had alot of muscle)... and I'm 5'10" so 160 is a great weight for me!
    3364 days ago
    haha i can soo relate. When I was in the 7th grade I weighed 97 and I always complained about being fat because my mom was 97 when she got MARRIED, and my dad always gave me a hard time about what I ate and talked like I was fat. (I even went on slim fast.. lost the weight then gained it all back.. My friends would get mad when I would say I was fat.. now I look back and I was NOT FAT. but now I am 208 lbs and I would give ANYTHING TO BE 160. LOL I even looked at pics when I was 160 and or even 180 (pre- preggo) and I would LOVE to look like that again. now?? I look like a woman who had 6 babies... oh wait I AM a woman who had 6 babies!! LOL
    3364 days ago
    Great blog. Perception is a funny thing. When I was size 13/14 years ago I always thought I was ugly, etc. - and I couldn't wait to get back to that size this year. Amazing - how that works?!

    You will certainly achieve your goals. It is just a matter of time. Enjoy the ride, gorgeous.

    3364 days ago
    I know exactly what you mean. When I started college right after high school, I went to a doctor to get a prescription for birth control pills. At the time, I weighed 125 lbs and my boyfriends 32w" Lee jeans wouldn't stay up on my hips! But I was scared to death to go to the doctor, embarrassed to have him weigh me because I WAS SO FAT! I'd been a bit heavier in high school, but still not fat by any means. 125! That number seems so far away now that it's laughable. Awww, to be 125. ;-) emoticon
    3365 days ago
    Man so I relate. It makes me sick to think how hard on myself I was as a teen. I thought I was fat then and I look at pictures now and I so wasn't! I wish I would've just been happy. We can be happy at any size!
    3367 days ago
    3368 days ago
    5'7" at 102 lbs - did you have hollow bones?? I am 5'6" and at my lowest weight of 126 lbs in my 20's I looked anorexic !! I still have the pictures and my husband says it doesn't look like me and he hopes I don't get that slim! I too will be very happy to see 150!!! It has a nice healthy sound to it!

    3368 days ago
    I know exactly what you mean, when I was in high school there was no size for me Mom made all my clothes the ones from the store were always to big. I was super thin when I got married and then gained just like you when I had children. I would have not thought about these things in a long time. Thank you for the memories. Sandy
    3368 days ago
    I know what you mean!

    My next goal is to reach 140, where I spent most of my pre-mommy life. I thought I was chunky then, but I can't wait to get there now. I plan on staying there awhile before deciding whether I need to lose more. I'll go more on how my clothes fit and how I look, instead of just going for a number on the scale,
    3368 days ago
    And you WILL get there.....but perceptions of what looks good and what is healthy are too different things. At the weight your were at that previous job, you were definately too thin for any 5'7" frame.
    3368 days ago
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