Time Goes On

I have had a lot of time to think today about my family life. It seems as if my Mom has been the matriarch of the family for so long. My brothers and I will talk to her and then in turn she will tell the others how we are doing. Kind of funny none of us talk to each other. I know that I really don't have much in common with my brothers (10 & 5 years older than me), neither one of them are in the truth, and they have other interests and live a different lifestyle than I do.

But now that Mom is sick and needs us to all pull together we are all talking, well emailing each other our thoughts. Not sure what it will be like if Mom dies......will we keep in touch with each other?

It has been a hard day for me, I knew that it was coming. I have been praying for Jehovah to give me the strength to get me through what we are facing with Mom's illness. Not knowing if there is anything that can be done. I know that they already said that they can not operate due to the fact that she is 86 years old, but I have been holding out hope that they can do radiation on the tumor and it will help her problems. But my brother pointed out that if it is the stroke giving her the problems there is nothing they can do to repair the damage the stroke has done.

He told me today that I need to face the fact that she may not be with us much longer. And that hit me like a ton of bricks.....I am not stupid but I have been trying to be so positive and telling myself that she will be alright, and I guess in away I did not want to believe that she might not pull through this.

So for the first time I sat down and cried my eyes out. I know that none of us want to lose our loved ones. I am so thankful that I have Jehovah to help me through this time. I want to be strong for my Mom and help her through all of this, but in my heart all I want to do in curl up in her lap and have her hold me, like she did when I was little and I was in pain and hurting. I know that I will have her back with me in the new system but I still don't want to let her go. I went through all of these emotions when my Dad died and I was so hoping that I would not have to do this with my Mom. Where was my head at?

I look forward to the day when no one has to say I am sick and there will be no more pain, tears or sorrow. Thank you Jehovah my Father.