Ugh, I just finished writing the original blog and closed it by accident and lost the whole thing!!!! So here is a condensed version (I really don't feel like typing it all agai
First, let me say that my family is indeed crazy. I know, I know, everyone's family is a little crazy. But let me tell you, if you were to ask any one of my close friend's they will agree that my family is crazy.... I often hear "you're right your family is crazy, I thought or was hoping that you were exaggerating". Nope, I'm not, I couldn't make up the stories about my family if I wanted to......
So Friday was the rehearsal at the church. On the way there my other sis informs me of some REALLY HORRIBLE news regarding my parents relationship (not quite ready to write details) and I'm in shock, horrified, disgusted, angry, betrayed, hurt, sad, vengeful...... I could go on an on. Now a year ago, I would have shown up at the church, said really nasty things to my father, and probably ruined my sister's wedding. However, I do not live that way today, I told myself that I have to put my feelings aside and make this next 24 hours special for my sis. Well I guess I wanted to make myself feel worse so I tryed to prove my brother wrong. About what you ask? First let me fill you in. My mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's last year and it has progressed very rapidly. She is in a nursing home and can't do anything besides eat independently, and even that she often needs assistance with. My brother, over the 4th of July weekend, tells me that our mom does not remember who we are because of her demetia. I was not willing to hear this and was in denial. So, I decide to see what she knows. Ultimately, she knew my name however, did not know who my sis (not the one getting married) was, and could not remember my brother's name. In fact, her reply was "word salad" and jibberish. It was horrible. I decide that I can not continue to think about what I had learned because there would be a chance of me not making my sister's day special. I asked for God's help and strength to get me through the next 24 hours.
Saturday morning comes and it ends up being totally chaotic. Without going into all the details, really because it's too much to explain, the bridesmaids and my sister were an hour late for her wedding. Yes, you read that right, my sister was late for her own wedding. What my father always joked about became a reality.
the ceremony went well and we went to take pics at a nearby park which is known for having beautiful places to have wedding pics taken. (this was also very unique and "special" in and of itself)
Now the reception. I had done such a wonderful job all day of making myself small and moving aside to allow God to work through me so I could be of service to others and make my sister's day special. Then my friend (who had my camera to take photos of the ceremony for me) told me he had forgotten my camera at a local park where he and my parents went to between the ceremony and reception. He left right away to see if he could find it. No luck. I was crying uncontrollably. See, the pics that were on the memory card in the camera, included all the pics of me and my late fiance's life together. I was so upset. I felt as though a part of my soul was taken from me. I do a pretty good job of celebrating his life and our life together on a daily basis, but I'm human and this was devestating. I'm thankful that my best friend had printed some pics and framed them for me on the weekend following his death. She was at the wedding, doing the photography, and offered to go to the park to search for the camera too. As she was searching, she came across some people, who she asked if they had seen it, although they haden't the one lady stood, grabbed my friend's hand, and prayed for me to have my camera returned to me. How awesome is that???????
On the way home from the reception I bawled my eyes out. I don't believe I stopped crying during that 30 minute drive. I believe that besides all what I had learned the previous evening, I was subconsiously thinking about the loss of my fiance and how we would never have the chance to marry.
When I returned home I was greeted by my best friend and her wonderful doggies. I was able to sit and reflect with her all that had happened over the previous 24 hours. And despite it all there was a lot of wonderful things that occured. My sister looked wonderful and looked so happy with her new husband. Both of my parent's were able to share this special day with my sister and my dad gave her "away". My sister's husband made my mom's eyes sparkle when he sang her favorite song to her (she was unable to dance since she is a wheelchair) and she sang along. My niece was able to overcome her anxiety and walk down the isle at the ceremony. My other sis, who just recently had back surgery, was also able to walk on her own, down the isle and had a great day when she thought it was going to be horrible. And I, was able to put myself aside, make myself small, allowed God to work through me, was of service to others, and helped make my sister's day special despite all the overwhelming feelings that were going on inside of me.
My friend, who lost my camera, posted an ad in the local newspapers lost and found and also on craiglist in hopes that at least the memory card will be returned. I continue to pray that it will be.
Thank you my spark friends for continuing with me on my journey. I am so happy that I'm able to share my successes and hardships with wonderful people who are supportive and encouraging. Although I may never meet any of you, it's an honor to call you friends. Today I am grateful that I stumbled upon Spark People.
My niece Toni and her friend AJ. She caught the bouquet and he the garter!
My sister's husband singing to my mom.
My sister and her new husband.
My best friend Becky and me.
Toni and I.
My twin sisters!
And Me and my sister on her special day!