I think I just ate my willpower
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Milling about yesterday thinking about the cheetos and cherry cream cake... I gave in. My excuse for buying them was the coupon price and how Henry deserved them. Knowing there was no way I wouldn't eat some. Yesterday I had read a great post about self image, visualization and using positive thinking for motivation. Lost 5 pounds last week and exercised everyday. Now I find myself trying to justify why I deserved this treat? Thinking portion control I grabbed one handful of cheetos, the love for food was rearing it's ugly head. I kept going back for a handful at a time till they were gone. Henry had some the night before and I gave some to the birds. Looking at the calories figuring I ate 2/3's of the bag its a whooping 1200 calories. Of course after dinner just one little sliver of the cake. WHAT? I knew I had already doubled my daily calories. About 8:00 I had pains in my stomach. Going to spare the details but in a nut shell I was in the restroom at 2:00 AM sicker then a dog. I thought I had the flu. When I got up this morning I feel 98% better. Could it be my body was rejecting all the fat, sugar, processed junk? Was it related to high blood sugar?
At times I really feel like I eat my willpower. I need to understand why I'd do something like that on a day I should be celebrating my weight loss instead of sabotaging my life. Getting a pedicure, buying a new shirt, planting some new flowers so many things I could have done instead of eating junk. This is a repeated behavior for me. During the BLC breaks for two weeks or a month I eat and gain weight. I hope having the Wii team I can stay focused. I do want to lose this weight and live a long healthy life. Funny how that sounds but when I look back it's a no brainer. Holding that thought and reaching for the tools to keep me moving in a positive way.
“Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”
- Winston Churchill