A new out look on my life.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Friday I was determined that I was going to make it to our Saturday Watchtower study. I also had a long long talk with my grandma Friday night and she put in her input and two cents on what she thinks I need to be doing. Nothing like a talk from a 85 year old woman to set you strait in your ways. She is so sweet even, she said I am sorry if I caused you pain when I told you what I think. I told her No grandma you didn't cause me pain, the truth caused me pain.
I then had a long talk with the hubby after reexamining my path I am talking. I realized that I am being selfish by hiding behind going back to school and forcing a photography Studio on my life at the moment. Its not the fact that I can't do the classes, I am smart I know that. I make A's in my classes. Its all about adding stresses and simplifying my life. I am not doing that. I was selfishly hiding behind school and my photography to cover up my pain. This in turn in the end has added a lot of stresses to my life. I am still going to set up a small studio for personal use. I may here and there do a photo shoot for anyone, but I realized I don't need my masters. I have my associates that is good enough.
So Tuesday I will be calling the school to drop out. I have not started my next classes yet, so I still have time. I will be focusing on getting to all my doctors appointments and no slacking in that area. I will be determined to take care of my health and spirituality first before my selfish hobbies.
Don't get me wrong I didn't go into is selfish, my goal was to be able to make extra money, because we ended up having new expenses in our life from health reasons. But like my grandma said I need to find other areas to cut back in, even though I thought I did already, I need to find more to make up for the added expense. But in the end it ended up me hiding behind it to forget about the pain I am in. I need to find other things that will help me with my pain, more studying the scriptures, more family time, etc.
I will not give up Photography because it is who I am. But It will not be the center of my life.