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Friday, June 18, 2010

I woke up really early this morning, I think I can't sleep because of the emotional roller coaster, so I thought, well, I will just exercise instead. And here I am posting and catching up on Spark friends. I guess I am feeling the need to reconnect before I push my tired body to warm up this morning.

Dad is still in intensive critical care in the hospital. He is doing better and still has such a strong will to push himself to get well. I keep pinching myself when I get teary eyed, just to remind myself to stay in the NOW and let go of future tripping or backsliding into negative thoughts. Today I am taking a day off from the hospital and will go to work and try to catch up there. Since it is Friday, it is usually a less stressful day.

Now about me and the weight thing. I keep going one step forward and one step back. I have been able to exercise 3 times this week (that is in the plus category), and I have have had several bouts of emotional eating. 3 of these turned into giant binges of chocolate and almonds. I am not going to get down on myself about this because it is obvious to me that I am stressed to the max. Somehow just knowing that I am witnessing how I allow my emotions to take over and control what I put in my mouth makes me feel that I am on a path of learning to eventually gain control over this pattern. I also am totally aware that when my life is on course and nothing stressful is happening, it is so much easier for me to maintain the healthy loving self care I want for my body.

I have noticed this week that the food thing is a family thing. My son and girlfriend and nephew and his wife are all very slim. But the first thing that is always discussed when we all get together is where we are going for lunch. I opted out last night to come home and eat salmon, salad and get rest. But then later in the evening I started to worry and reached for the chocolate and nuts.

I guess the challenge for me now is to slowly let go of binging on the bad things when I am under this heavy pressure of stress. The reality seems so obvious and such a small shift to make, but when the pressure is on, I keep grabbing the old comfort food. Today I am going to see if I can stay in the commitment to only eat healthy and not give in to the pull for the old comfort food patterns.
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  • KARBIE18
    Hey Joann,

    Sorry this is late - went camping this weekend, then took all day yesterday to get back into the swing of things.

    Glad to hear your dad is doing better. Sounds like you're hanging in there, and doing the best that you can. Way to go evaluating your situation, and figuring out ways to improve, without beating yourself up about it. You're right, it is easier to stay on track when nothing stressful is happening, but how often is that? Life can be challenging, and learning how to deal with it is the key. Sounds like you're getting it figured out. Way to go!!

    Prayers and hugs are headed your way,
    3782 days ago
    Thanks ladies, I think I am kind of in between on this issue. I think it is good that I am aware of the emotional binges,and I think it is good not to have the food in the house. My daughter suggested that I just eat the almonds alone without the chocolate, so that is my latest idea. They don't seem all that comforting without the chocolate and it is easy for me to stop and not eat a whole can.

    So I will do my best and keep reporting in. Hopefully Dad will get better soon and the hospital visits will be a thing of the past and I can get my life right back into order again. I do so much better when my life is on an even course.

    Thanks for checking in. Joann
    3785 days ago
    first off, it's good to hear that dad's doing better and that you got in a workout so early in the morning, which helps to alleviate some of the stress.

    i understand bingeing. it helps when i keep my binge foods out of the house and replace them with either healthier alternatives or do something different instead of eating, like...giving myself a manicure, pedicure, a bubble bath, listen to favorite songs, garden, cook, journal, draw, read, write poetry, etc...anything that would change my thoughts and keep me occupied with something else.

    i will keep you and your family in my prayers. emoticon
    3786 days ago
    emoticon oh, I'm so glad to have an update. It sounds like he's turning the corner & there's some hope... i so understand the hospital thing having gone through that with gramps earlier this year & the eating thing too!

    i've probably mentioned these things, but they spring to mind as i read your comments... i also turn to food for comfort, and sometimes i think if i could just ease up on the eating i would be ok. if i could find ways non-food ways to soothe myself, i would be ok. and like you it's so much easier when there's not some extraordinary stress, like this going on.

    the tip i heard from a psychologist was when there is something extraordinary, is not the time to make major life changes/decisions (like quit smoking or lose 100 lbs) but instead focus energies on dealing with the crisis, and just keep to the most normal choices and schedule & routine as possible.

    like your going home, resting & having salmon. a choice that nourished you.

    our family also is food-centered. we had all sorts in from around the Country with gramps stuff, and most meals out, and.... and... and...

    well, just want to say I understand, and do what you can as you're able, and you remain in our t&ps.

    {{{hugs~n~luvs}}} jules
    3786 days ago
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