Week 3... What a struggle!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
OK, so I didn't blog last week. I was too frustrated to even put my thoughts and feelings into words. This is the point where I'd normally say, "nevermind, this isn't working and it's not worth it." But, I kept it up, and decided to post on a message board about my struggles. I got some great feedback and support, enough to keep me going. I don't think I'm going to make my weight goal for the month, but you know what? It's something.
I'm a perfectionist. If something isn't going perfectly, I typically find some excuse to drop it. If it's something I believe I have control over, I will emotionally beat myself up or punish myself in some way (e.g., cutting off my nose to spite my face). I'm realizing that's what I've done in my attempts to lose weight and get healthier in the past. I refuse to let that part of me be in control this time. Because you know what? This isn't about perfection. The people that love me think I'm perfect the way I am, and I need to remember that. I need to remind myself that I'm not perfect, never will be. It's just not possible. So there are going to be days when I (as one of my friends would say) push the "F-it button" and overeat, or eat unhealthy foods. There are going to be days that I don't have energy or motivation, and I skip a workout. I need to remember that if I'm doing it at all, that's improvement. And as I used to remind my clients with disordered eating, just because I slip, the next moment is a fresh start. Don't dwell on it and don't punish yourself. Instead, reward yourself for starting over from that moment, and carrying forwad all the progress you've made so far.
This is a work in progress, and I plan to make these changes for life. It's going to take time to incorporate them to where they come easily. And that's okay. It's all steps in the right direction.
Now, I'm going to go relax til my husband and kids get home from track practice so we can have a healthy, satisfying dinner and watch the last game of the NBA finals.