Hi, my name is Joann and I am a XXXXX a holic
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
OK, just fill in the blank with anything you want. Choc .... Carb.... Food....as long as it has to do with food, eating, binging, smoothing away the feelings (both good and bad) with food....... that is me.
So here is the dilemma. We can exist without alcohol, we can exist without gambling, we can exist without drugs, but we do have to eat food. So wouldn't it just make sense to identify those difficult foods and abstain? Is there something wrong with this thinking? Here I am starting all over again, back to the beginning. I don't want to live my life as a dry drunk, but maybe that is the only way for awhile -- say like until my lobotomy kicks in? Sometimes I have even thought that being addicted to crack would at least take the food cravings away. Now that is really sick, sad, desperate, and depraved. But it is the truth. Come on, haven't most of us felt that we would like the magic bullet. Just give me that pill that will take away the cravings and I will be set for life.
I know my thinking is really not accurate in this area. So I am going to give myself over to the higher power ( yes, you heard it - from me ) I am giving myself over to the power to just believe that if I can dream it, I can create it, and if I can create it, then I am already the IT that I am talking about. So I am back to my good old brainwashing techniques of the power of positive thinking. It works until it doesn't work - and now I am going to figure out a way to catch myself before I fall down too far again. I know I have said this before. And for the risk of sounding insane, I am willing to try again, but try it with a new brain. Because I know that I can not solve my problem with the same brain that created the problem.