This week has been huge for me
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
My weight loss has been at a standstill with all of the moving and everything that goes along with it. I took a break from tracking my food since we went a few weeks without the internet and I suck at tracking on paper. I also had not been planning my meals as much especially since we were trying to use everything left in the pantry before moving.
But alas we are finally settled in and I'm ready to give my 100 percent. This week has been huge for me. We decided to get a membership to the local YMCA. I have wrote before about being too self conscious to wear a bathing suit in public. Well I did it. Twice this week already. I took my daughter out and she loved it. I'm actually learning how to swim (yes I don't know how to swim) and I think this might be something I can really stick with. I have an injury from an auto accident a few years ago, so I have problems with high impact activities. My doctor actually recommended swimming as a way to strengthen my muscles. I know I've only been twice so far, but I think I have noticed a change in my pain level.
Today was my first day at the fitness center. I was very nervous leaving my daughter in the daycare area since she has never been without me her entire life. She did great though. I figure being around other caretakers and children will be good for her too. I enjoyed working out. I had a pretty good workout today and went swimming. I liked being able to have that time to myself. There seems to be a recurrent theme with a lot of moms not giving time to themselves and I really think I need that.
I was pretty intimidated today. The pool wasn't too bad. There were plenty of other people my size and even some bigger. I hate to admit that it made me feel better, but it did. I felt pretty silly trying to learn how to swim at my age, but I think I'm catching on okay. I was really nervous, but once I got out there it pretty much went away.
Anyway, back to the gym. So here was my biggest fear. I was the fattest person in the room. But here I was and I wasn't going home.
I rode one of those stationary bikes. I felt completely lost since I didn't even know how to turn it on. Apparently, you have to start petalling and THEN hit the start button.
So I start on the bike and I notice that my shorts keep riding up showing my huge thighs. I get completely self conscious, but what am I going to do? Give up? Then I look like even more of a failure than I felt right then. I hated it. Looking at my legs. They were jiggling with the movement. Legs aren't supposed to jiggle. I look around. No one is looking at me. No one cares that my legs are jiggling. At that moment I realized I need to get over my fat self. Here I am. These are my legs. I need to remember why I am doing this. I am doing this so I don't die. Because that is what is going to happen if I don't change things. That I need to be proud that I'm in there trying to get fit and in shape. I'm trying to change things. I don't know what I'm afraid of. Even if all of those people were staring at me, pointing, making fun of me, whatever it is that I was afraid of, I am not doing this for them. I am doing this for me. I am doing this for my family. I don't care.
All in all, it was not nearly as scary as I thought it was going to be.