I want the Confetti

I know it has been a while since I've blogged. I don't know why there just seemed to be too much to deal with even here with you. In the almost 2 weeks since I've blogged there have been some great highs and some sucky lows.
I am always a bad new first person as I like to leave on a high note....
~Son's ODD is really getting rough these days and husband's lack of support and consistency doesn't help much
~Confronted husband about Love YOU text to girl at work...fun time had by none
~had to put our dog of 12 years down (truly the worst of all)
~eating has been my great way to handle most of this ~definitely not proud
HIGH POINTS
~Em was chosen to sing first at Senior Vocal Recital~big deal to be first or last
~Meg won NJHS Historian by default as the girl didn't want to run against her AND two of her films won first and second in County Media Festival
~Em was awarded scholarship for her commitment to outreach youth ministry YEAH
~Garden is almost all in and looking great

Onto confetti
While I was reading Chris76 blog about biggest loser's show last night it sparked a thought in me. Imagine if we all had a team of people whose sole purpose was to show up every month or so and just celebrate the changes in our lives. For those of you who don't watch BL last night's show was the make-over where each contestant gets head to toe makeover and family members get to see the results.
I WANT THE CONFETTI
this was something that two of the players were talking about as motivation. Being the person to stand at the end with the largest weight loss while confetti floats down all over you. I mean think about it have you ever had anything like that. do you know anyone who has experienced that?????????
Maybe I am feeling a little bit defeated and i'll own to that. While at Meg's award ceremony we saw her teacher from last year whom i haven't seen since Sept and I'll be honest i was expecting a comment on my 30+ weight loss.....it didn't come. How self centered was I here the night was about the kids and celebrating their success and I was thinking of me.
I guess maybe because it is just that time fo year....it seems every weekend there is some celebration occurring. As a parent it truly energizes you when you see your kids thrive with their successes. I guess that's where ww groups excel as they do celebrate your weight loss along with you announcing your achievements to a group and you get to feel that applause.
Where am I going with this....I don't know sounded better in my head earlier....sorry had to run and pull the sheets off the line as it started raining...now re-reading this I'm trying to get to where I thought this was going...
So how bad do you want the confetti??? Are you willing to sacrifice 4 months away from family and friends. Are you willing to let the world watch you sweat, cry and even puke? Are you willing to face the public scrutiny over every action and comment you make? Most of us aren't which is why we aren't on BL however we all want the confetti at the end.
So how am I going to get my confetti?? I don't know right now and that is honest. I could post eating and exercising plans but that does not ensure anything. I could buy all the cool dvds and equipment but money spent doesn't equal a changed body.
So where am I? I know i totally tanked these last 2 weeks and the fact I lost weight really didn't help. WHAT you're saying...no really if I behaved badly why should I be rewarded with a weight loss what good is that?? I feel like there's this bill out there that is coming due and oh man it aint gonna be pretty.
Do I still want confetti? I would love to have a celebration of my lifestyle change....the health that I've achieved...the self-worth realization that comes with both of those....Yes I do want the confetti.
I just need to realize that this commitment is a full time requirement not something I can pick up and put down whenever I feel like it

So no confetti for now.....that's ok I don't need that mess in my house anyway