There are water restrictions in my area. This is because of a huge water main break in Weston. It's affecting 2 million people. It coincides with the first real heat wave of the year. It happened the day we ran the second 5K of the year. But I cannot see running right now. Because in order to get any water, you've got to boil it if it's not bottled. You should see the production line at my house. Pot, lid, every thermos, every jug, anything with a lid. The measuring cup with the funnel. Careful, don't spill it.
So, I need to run more. I know I need to, as the running parts of both 5Ks this year have had me laboring for breath, my chest hurting and stinging. But running isn't possible.
And don't tell me to go to my gym. They're under the water restrictions as well. Plus, well, I'm just blocked. I cannot and do not want to return there. Not now. It is not going to be a good thing to push me to go, so kindly do not.
Motivation is a tricky, elusive beast. And I know myself. If I am pushed too hard, it will retreat even further. It will hide away and cover itself with a veil.
So are you hearing me? If you want to tell me to go to the gym, tell someone else, okay? Because it will do damage here. Thank you for respecting that.
And I know, I know, I know. I don't need to hear it. I know what I need to do, what I SHOULD do, what would be a good idea, yadda yadda yadda, yeah, I get it. It is not information that I need. It is not that. You will think it is a thousand excuses, and you need to let me have them for now.
I need to regroup. And I need for you all to let me do that. Without the pushing. Without the call to go forth and do a lot of amazing things. Right now amazing is out of reach.
It is not that I am not doing anything. I ran two damned 5Ks in less than a month, for God's sake.
And I am walking, and doing ST every single day, like always. It is the going beyond that is elusive, so I am here at the minimum, living at this moment rather than at that one, the one with all of the extras.
I am reminded of the scene in the film "Office Space" where Jennifer Aniston gets fired. Her boss asks her, "What would you think of the person who only does the bare minimum?" And we are talking about a waitressing job, it's not like it's a major career for her or anything. She ends up flipping him off and leaving. And it's a little bit like that. Right now, I am going to do what, for me, is the bare minimum. Why? Because it's easy. And because it is ... what's the word? Sufficient. Sufficient means hanging around, more or less, at this weight and not losing for a while. It means taking a bit of a break from the hot and heavy treadmill.
Because, well, because I've been doing this for a few years already. I've had more than one person ask me if I'm on maintenance. No. Not really. I've got a good 35 plus to go or so. But right now I want to rest, and test the maintenance waters a tad. What is life like, to not be trying to lose? To be, well, just to be? Not to just hang around and do nothing. That, sadly, is not maintenance. That is, for pretty much all of us what we call, regaining. Regaining is not my intention here. I just want to coast a bit, let the really hard work go and see what happens.
Motivation may come back tomorrow. It may come back after vacation (coming in 10 days, thank God!). Or it may take longer than that. Yelling at it to come back, like a Drill Sergeant, is not going to do me any favors. It's time to nurture it. It's time for me to stop and take stock right now.