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Thursday, April 01, 2010

I am cooking myself right now.. I'm back from vacation and trying to be overly productive.. turning in scholarship applications... working on my dissertation... making progress on articles and reports for my job. I am breaking inside.. I can't work this hard and take care of myself and get rest. I don't know how anyone else does it. I don't feel motivated to work on my dissertation.. its so much harder than anything I've ever done (okay maybe not as hard as chemistry..but still.. hard). I feel like I can't find that gem of inspiration within me to just try. I have a meeting with my advisor in the morning and I really wanted to show her progress. Instead, I'll just have to be honest. SIGH. Having such a hard time not being perfect.

Vacation weight came down a bit today.. that was nice to see. However, I had a few treats today.. hopefully that won't do much damage. All this stress has me screaming for sugar. I think I'm doing REALLY well to have not brought a family pack of anything dangerous inside the house. Oh, and I cooked today, and bought groceries.. in the face of challenges, some progress...

Saying my prayers, although I'm a stress bubble, my family is alive, and mostly doing well. Praying for those who are struggling.
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    We all strive to be perfect in our own way. Just know that nobody really ever is. When I was a little girl, my mother was working on her dissertation at the University of Missouri. She used to take me with her to these tiny little research cages up in the ceiling of the library. I would play on the dingy floor, and she would study. I remember how stressed out she always was, how tired and busy. But by taking me with her, it brought a little more joy to what she was doing. So- What are some things that you can do to make working on it a little better for you? Music, atmosphere, friends? Maybe if you brought something in to your work that you really enjoy it would be easier for you to work on. Just a thought. I am really amazed that you are at that level in your education. I know how hard it is frist hand after watching my Mom become a Dr.
    So Dr. Motiv8u- Good luck and keep pushing. emoticon
    3581 days ago
    When things get crazy like that for me I take off on a long walk. I put in my iPod, put on my walking shoes and hit the bricks. I seem to work things out in my head and things aren't right there in my face.

    I totally understand the perfection talk. I think we all strive to be perfect at one thing or another. Some just carry it through their whole life. Just know it's not a competition. Each of us are individuals. You are a beautiful person even if you don't measure up to your own standards. You are perfect just the way you are!!
    3581 days ago
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