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I need to VENT!!!!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Okay so I get this way once a month (TOM). And then I am fine. But I dunno this time. My hubby pisses me off so much. I have so much on my plate as it is and I need him to help me more. THis is NOT a first for this problem. I have talked to him about this for almost 5 years (since we had the kids). But now that I am working the daycare during the week and part time job all weekend and going to the gym on MOnday, Wednesday and Friday. I need some help. And before I went and signed up for all this I check it out with him. He told me to do what I need to do and he would do what he needed to do at home. He hasn't!!! I confront him on it and he says he does stuff. Like what?? Empty the trash in the bathroom??? Like I would notice that. All I am asking for is 15-30 minutes of his precious time when he gets home from work. And I can't even get that!!!

My hubby has a hormone deficiency and needs to take meds for it and doesn't. I have begged him pleaded with him and even got his family to help. NOTHING!!!! SUCKS.. If he took these meds he would have more energy to help me around the house and other things. The deal was that on nights that I cook dinner and go to the gym he cleans up after dinner. Fair right?? NOPE. I went to the gym and cleaned off the table and put the dishes in the sink. I come home from the gym and all he did was bring the barrel of trash to the street. Mind you he didn't take the trash out of the house to put in the barrel. Whatever was in the barrel went to the street. So I asked him if he was going to empty the kitchen trash he said yes. I said what about the dishes?? He says wasn't planning on it. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

I have 5 kids tomorrow for the daycare I can't have the sink full of dishes?? What the heck is he thinking?? I am working 7 days a week with no break and the last thing I should be worried about is him not pulling his weight. This is an on going problem. I don't know what else to do. I tried talking to him, reasoning with him, kicking him out, talking to his family etc. I can't think any more. AND yes he is the baby of the family. I should have known. His mom did everything for him and I mean EVERYTHING. SHe still does. Drives me mad. I feel like I am falling further and further behind with stuff. I have to write everything down so I don't forget to do something or forget an appointment or to get something at the store. ETC..... I hate being this overloaded. I need to get more daycare kids so I can quit my part time job so I have time off. But I just took on a part timer and my friend is coming with her baby in 4 weeks. That will help but I would like one more full timer. Some days I think I must be crazy but if I did this during the day I wouldn't have to work the weekends.

Thanks for letting me vent it out I dunno if this is going to help me at all. I really want to lose this weight and I feel like the work I am putting in it should be coming off faster. I know that is not possible and I should be happy with 2 pounds a week. I have been stuck for so long I just want to be under 200 already.
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  • no profile photo CD2192185
    Okay, first of all, hippichick I love it! I'd absolutely "fall asleep" during. And say oh sorry, I'm just so tired from working seven days a week and doing all the housework on top of it that I guess I'm just too tired for this!

    Now then, Jenn, I am so sorry you are having to put up with so much crap! (Same goest to you hippi) Just when I'm wishing I could find a man to settle down with, I read this sort of behavior and I'm glad I haven't found one!

    Obviously I can't offer any marital advice, just give you a shoulder or a punching bag if you need one.
    4040 days ago
  • LABONTE01
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    4045 days ago
  • MALWILD
    OMG, How did that happen? The page froze up, so I refreshed it, and there are 3 of my crazy long comment. Sorry!
    4046 days ago
  • MALWILD
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    Oh Jenn, I am almost crying feeling your frustration. I want to vent back and commiserate with you! While not completely the same situation, I run into so much with my hubby, too. He was the oldest of 6 boys, but their mom did (and still does) everything for them. She ruined every single one of them for future relationships. I could write a whole other blog about that in itself! It is so annoying to come home after having worked and gone to work out, to come home to the overflowing trash can, dishes everywhere, can't walk through the living room without tripping on the stuff he doesn't make DD pick up after herself, and on and on and on. I want to teach her that we all need to pick up after ourselves and pitch in as a family, but it is hard to do that when I don't get the help. And, he always says he'll do it, but just never gets around to it. I was up until 12:30 last night so I could wash white clothes and get them into the dryer so he'd have socks this morning. It's like a) why didn't you rotate the laundry yourself? and, b) could you not have told me before 10:15? I don't really pay attention to your dresser drawes because I do not dress you in the morning. I know when I need clothes washed, and when DD needs clothes washed. Arghhh!

    So, thanks for listening back to me! Keep you chin up, you are not alone. The fact that your husband could have more energy to pull his share of the partnership *if* he were to stick to his meds would really irk me. Someone earlier posed the question "does he not like himself?" That is a very good evaluation of why someone wouldn't take their meds/take care of themselves.
    4046 days ago
  • MIMMA_
    Venting is always good.

    I would have suggested to just let his "work" pile up, but that's not really an option with you because of the daycare.

    I can fully understand your frustration. Maybe you can make a contract with him? Write it out, get him to sign it? Or maybe what he needs is a "to do list" that he can see? Get a white board and put it on the fridge and write down what he needs to do by the time you get back from work or the gym? Tell him to check off what he's done so you don't have to ask him when you get back...

    I really hope you find a solution!
    4047 days ago
  • HIPPICHICK1
    Too bad he can't keep on his meds. Does he not like himself? You should ask him. Does he not value your relationship? Does he think that you are super woman? Ask him.

    In the case of my hubby, he's a lazy sod and could care less if there are any clean dishes in the house, or if there is pi$$ all over the toilet seat or if there are clumps of pet hair under the kitchen table. This is why I don't work full time - because it's a full time job cleaning up after him! I guess I'm lucky in that way. (Not really, but you get my drift).

    You, on the other hand, are working 7 days a week. Yelling doesn't work. Sometimes sexual favours do! In fact bribery works with ALL "children," even grown ones. And if you fall asleep while "favouring" him, well, who could blame you? After all when was your last day off??
    4047 days ago
  • LUGNUT_9754
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    4048 days ago
  • MICHELLENRGZED
    I'm glad that we could all be here for you as you obviously had some steam that needed to be released. I pray that you'll be able to get through to your husband & that he'll start pitching in & taking his meds.
    4048 days ago
  • DANNIMCALLISTER
    Venting is always good because you are able to let out all that you have been keeping in. At least you didn't decide to eat junk and throw all of your efforts out the window. Good job on being able to lose 2 pounds a week. At least at this speed you know that it will stay off for good.
    4048 days ago
  • TRVLGRL54
    Hang in there -- Frustrating days coupled with TOM are definitely hard to move thru...but you are getting there! Hope you and hubby find a commonground about "what needs to be done"...maybe an agreed upon "to do list?"
    4048 days ago
  • JESSICAMARSHALL
    I am sorry you are so frustrated...I would sit down and really talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. I hope you figure something out.
    4048 days ago
  • GINGYG
    It sounds like you are at a really frustrating place. I know that I have felt that frustration and I can sympathize. I'm so glad that you are still able to make space for your own health. If your husband can't consider your needs, you have to do it for the both of you. I'm proud of the determination you are able to show to care for yourself. Keep up the great, if frustrating, work!
    4048 days ago
  • GINGYG
    It sounds like you are at a really frustrating place. I know that I have felt that frustration and I can sympathize. I'm so glad that you are still able to make space for your own health. If your husband can't consider your needs, you have to do it for the both of you. I'm proud of the determination you are able to show to care for yourself. Keep up the great, if frustrating, work!
    4048 days ago
  • ANDYLIN90
    Congratulate yourself for venting and NOT eating. Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with hubby...
    4048 days ago
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