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Hello Me, let me re-introduce you to Myself.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

SO, Friday I am going in for surgery. Am I scared? The answer is yes, but not entirely for the reason you may think. I have a large mass on the left side of my Thyroid, they couldn’t biopsy it, so they are removing it, and during the surgery they will try to determine if it is malignant or benign. If it is cancerous, they will remove the entire thing. I will have a few days recovery, take in some radiation, then take medication for life and move one. But that’s not the scary part.
For me the scary part is admitting to myself my excuse will be gone. I have regained 30 pounds of 50 lost. Not an entire re-gain, but trust me, without some self intervention it is not far off, I can feel myself getting fatter. I know my Thyroid issue is a major cause, but trust me, so are the food choices I have been making lately. I am not here to beat myself up; I do that on a daily basis when I have to bypass the shirts I just so proudly bought myself five months ago, and reach for the one of the three old “fat” shirts I actually kept. I am here to admit to myself that after March (recovery and vacation, Sin City! I am not fooling myself, I will be unhealthy for a few days), it is me time.
Here is my self improvement laundry list:
1. Don’t go overboard. Last go around I lost sight of reality. My family took a backseat to my fitness and my ego flew higher than my kids kite. This time I will base myself in reality, include my family in my decisions and attempt this battle together, not alone.
2. Relax. Again, during my contest I was more in competition with myself. I don’t need to go to the gym EVERYDAY. My schedule will not revolve around the gym; the gym will revolve around my schedule. My gym routine will be modified, I must remember I am not competing, I am becoming healthy again.
3. Eat normal. I will eat smaller portions of food, more times a day. I will track my nutrition, but it will not control my life. I must understand, good food in my house equals good food in my belly.
4. I will never be 25 again. I really think I was trying to recapture some of my youth this last time. I am almost 40, and after I re-lose this weight I will look, and act, like an in shape 40 year old.
5. Family. If you haven’t caught on, my family will be my priority. I turned down another weight loss contest this year because of the damage I did last year. I tell everyone it is because of my medical issue, but it is because I don’t want to lose focus on my wife and kids. We are bonding, now we need some healthy activities. That is my job, to bring that element in the picture.
6. Once a week weigh-ins. I was obsessed and weighing in daily. Talk about a bad habit! DON’T DO IT! I will take into count muscle mass.
So, I am scared, yes. Every time I lose weight (and we are talking about a career of losing and gaining) I say the same things. “I will never go back to old habits”, “I will never gain weight again”, and “I will never stop working out again”. I am an average guy with an above average family. This time, I will remain conscious of whom I am, and look for support when I start to forget.
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