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Everything effects weigh loss

Monday, March 08, 2010

For me its seems that whatever you are going through mentally, physically, spiritually, etc., effects how you manage your weight or how you even feel about managing your weigh. When I was first diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes I was traumatized, because it runs HUGE on both sides of my DNA. I watched my mother have a mild stroke in front of me when I was a freshman in college, she went from taking the pills to straight insulin in a matter of a month!! I will never forget those moments and as soon as I was diagnosed I had that post traumatic stress kick right in immediately. I have definitely gotten better with that and have improved my thought process regarding how to maintain a somewhat healthy lifestyle. Since my diagnose I have lost about 15 or more pounds, but definitely need to lose more, because I goal is to not take any medicine for Type 2, which can happen, but you have to put work in in order to get that accomplishment, which I must say I haven't put in the work here lately.

Not making excuses, I do have depression and have struggled with it off and on for over 20 years, but it creeps its ugly face when I have doubt in my mind about what Denise is suppose to be doing effectively. If my finances are out of whack, my mindset for most things get out of whack. I start having self doubt about who I am and why I am not having progress. Of course we are our own worst critics, renting unnecessary space in our heads about things we cannot change right then and there. I know I am. I also have this ongoing thing in my head that says, "Denise you are 45 years old and you still can't get your life together, what is your problem?!"

Everytime I go and see my psychiatrist here lately he ask me have I thought about going back to therapy. I am soooooooo tired of therapy right now it would totally be a waste of time for me, because you have to be willing to be open in order to get what you need and right now I am not feeling that at all. I told my psychiatrist that over my 20 years of dealing with depression I have been to therapy pretty much the majority of the 20 years and sometimes it helped and a whole lot of times it didn't. Right now that option for therapy is not on my things to do list.

Well I will stop ranting and talking in circles right now, but I do at this moment feel better that I blogged about what's going on in my head. emoticon
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