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40 Days

Sunday, March 07, 2010

First of all, I had the bestest lunch ever with the gals. But we have pics, so I'll tell all about it later on or tomorrow.

Next Monday (not tomorrow) will mark 40 days since I told the boy I loved him. I was going to be nice, maybe give him a little extra time, since he seems to be opening up a little...

No. First of all, he hasn't heard a word I've said about what I'd want from him. Secondly, the whole family thing they've got going on in that house is just weird. He's spent the entire time with them since he got home from work early yesterday afternoon and today he's like, I can't spend more than an hour with you. Um... you see your fam every night, every weekend... to see me, you can make some f'ing time. But apparently not.

So 40 days is it. Heck, I think even that seems a little bit too long and I feel a little pathetic right now. I'm trying to convince myself it's my big heart, but I just feel pathetic. Like one of those foolish girls who always gets walked all over. And I'm not, it's just how I'm feeling right now.

I don't even hope for the best anymore. I'm just hoping for some kind of closure. I NEED stability. With all this work crap, school crap... I don't need one more thing on my plate that's giving me such trouble.

So Monday night it is. If you don't get a shouting type blog or status message saying, AIRHEAD FINALLY CAME AROUND, then you know what happens. I have to admit, I'm now a little embarrassed I'm sharing all of this because if it does end badly, it makes me look really bad, and far more pathetic and weak than I actually am.

But... I've come this far already. Let's go ahead and finish this embarrassing time period in my life out. Because in 10 years I can look back and say, you know what, it may not have worked out, but good for me for having the balls to go for it and to be the bigger person and allow him time to figure it out. So it's going to hurt now, but I'll be on here with lots of sparky friends to remind me of the better tomorrow's and the fact that the patience I've shown with him can be used toward my getting healthier journey.

So thank you in advanced. If I forget to thank you while I'm wrapped up in myself and finding a way to let go, thank you for being here for me. I'm sorry if I'll be selfish, I'm sorry if I'll be negative, I'm sorry if I seem like a high school girl. Thank you for putting up with me and thank you for making this rather disgusting little journey with me. You're all just wonderful and I am so thankful you all are here.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You're an amazing person who should be with someone who makes you feel amazing. Period. The end.

    Let me know if you need to be reminded of that in the future because I'll be here to do it any time you want!!!

    emoticon Everyone here already knows it about you!!
    3965 days ago
  • AWOLF24
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3966 days ago
    aww you are not pathetic at all! And it DOES sound like you have a HUGE heart!
    Maybe you just need to make some time and focus on YOU, not him. Let him do whatever the @#%)!@ he wants! You sound like such a great girl and you DESERVE to be treated as such.
    3966 days ago
    YOU take whatever time you need, vent what YOU have to, talk/don't talk - this is about what YOU need. Don't apologize for your emotions, girl - we've all got em. If anyone here (or anywhere else) says they've never had a borken heart they are either THE luckiest person in the world, or they're lying...we're here for you, sweetie, good or bad!!!
    3966 days ago
    One of the hardest things to face in life is that little voice in your head saying you didn't give it your all. And you know what you will never have to worry about that concerning this issue because you did everything in your power to be patient- so whatever happens know that while this might bother today, tomorrow and maybe next month- down the road you will have such peace of mind knowing you gave it your all- end of story! Be good to yourself no matter what and good luck with everything on your plate and remember you might feel down but you have a great outlet to express yourself- so express away!!!
    3966 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/8/2010 11:12:14 AM
  • CHANCE0719
    You are NOT pathetic! You were willing to put yourself out there, which most people are TERRIFIED of! And it's not working out. You gave it time, and now you're ready to do what you need to. You are strong and inspirational! emoticon
    3966 days ago
    I'm just going to tell you straight out: it does NOT make you pathetic or weak or lame or anything else when you put your heart out there. In fact, it makes you: strong, fearless and amazing. So if "airhead" doesn't see it - then you are right - he's an airhead!!!! Just another adventure in life!
    3967 days ago
  • TREBLE02
    Dear Morgan,
    Boys are dumb, smelly and ugly!
    YOU are gorgeous, strong, independent, healthy, wonderful, sweet, cute, determined, motivated, etc, etc....
    The End!
    3967 days ago
  • SUGIRL06
    Stupid boys. You are being strong. It takes a lot to put your feelings out there! And if anything, you will learn something from this whole experience so don't feel embarrassed. 40 days sounds like a good amount of time to me. Just enough. Not too long but not too short that its like you were too quick or anything. If he doesn't know by now, then yeah, he's not going to figure it out. You'll be ok whatever happens!
    3967 days ago
    I had so much fun at lunch!!! Good idea on the Cake Love! We are all here for you - remember that! Everything happens for a reason...it will be ok in the end! emoticon
    3967 days ago
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