Sunday, March 07, 2010
First of all, I had the bestest lunch ever with the gals. But we have pics, so I'll tell all about it later on or tomorrow.
Next Monday (not tomorrow) will mark 40 days since I told the boy I loved him. I was going to be nice, maybe give him a little extra time, since he seems to be opening up a little...
No. First of all, he hasn't heard a word I've said about what I'd want from him. Secondly, the whole family thing they've got going on in that house is just weird. He's spent the entire time with them since he got home from work early yesterday afternoon and today he's like, I can't spend more than an hour with you. Um... you see your fam every night, every weekend... to see me, you can make some f'ing time. But apparently not.
So 40 days is it. Heck, I think even that seems a little bit too long and I feel a little pathetic right now. I'm trying to convince myself it's my big heart, but I just feel pathetic. Like one of those foolish girls who always gets walked all over. And I'm not, it's just how I'm feeling right now.
I don't even hope for the best anymore. I'm just hoping for some kind of closure. I NEED stability. With all this work crap, school crap... I don't need one more thing on my plate that's giving me such trouble.
So Monday night it is. If you don't get a shouting type blog or status message saying, AIRHEAD FINALLY CAME AROUND, then you know what happens. I have to admit, I'm now a little embarrassed I'm sharing all of this because if it does end badly, it makes me look really bad, and far more pathetic and weak than I actually am.
But... I've come this far already. Let's go ahead and finish this embarrassing time period in my life out. Because in 10 years I can look back and say, you know what, it may not have worked out, but good for me for having the balls to go for it and to be the bigger person and allow him time to figure it out. So it's going to hurt now, but I'll be on here with lots of sparky friends to remind me of the better tomorrow's and the fact that the patience I've shown with him can be used toward my getting healthier journey.
So thank you in advanced. If I forget to thank you while I'm wrapped up in myself and finding a way to let go, thank you for being here for me. I'm sorry if I'll be selfish, I'm sorry if I'll be negative, I'm sorry if I seem like a high school girl. Thank you for putting up with me and thank you for making this rather disgusting little journey with me. You're all just wonderful and I am so thankful you all are here.