I haven't lost any weight (although I got back down to my ticker weight). I didn't do so hot on my end of February goals for a report card (let's just say straight C's and be done with it). I'm so far off budget because of eating out, it's not even funny (not anymore!).
But that's all okay. Why? Because I gained something, rather, regained, something far more important today.
The boy and I were speaking about an ex of his (don't get me started on how she came up, it just pisses me off). And I told him to do as he wishes about her. He said to me, "Until I figure out what to do with you, I'm not going to kill it."
I didn't even get mad. Because I finally have a clue where he's standing. That doesn't make him right on where he's standing, but at least I'm not wondering what exactly we are. I know we're in the gray area and that he's still confused.
But you guys are the reason I could calmly and rationally think that out. Why? Because over the past few days, the messages, blog comments, page comments, and thoughts directed my way have reminded me of my worth. Between you guys and some friends (Jennifer, Ariel, Derrick and Joe) reminded me when it's been dark for me that I'm a catch and if he doesn't see that, then he doesn't deserve me.
So you know what I did? I emailed him. (I couldn't respond immediately because he went to lunch). And I told him that he doesn't have long left. That if he can't see my worth, if he can't see that we all have faults and that mine are worth the good times, then I've underestimated him. To still be confused about me is a travesty and it's unfair. And that I am NOT going to be that girl that waits. That waits until he finds someone else and get my heart broken. I reminded him that what I am and what I will be are amazing. That I'm not easy, but oh is the fight worth it.
And I believe that. And I told him that. I feel soooo good for getting that out there. I said early on that I would give him two weeks after his busy season to figure it out. His busy season ended Friday. I'm going to stand by my word. But now he knows. Now he knows that he doesn't have long. It's not going to be sprung on him randomly later.
So thank you folks. For standing up for me when I wasn't doing a very good job standing up for myself. For reminding me of my worth as a person and my value to others.