2-26-2010 - Dark Friday
Friday, February 26, 2010
Not only is it dark and rainy today, but I am feeling beyond sad. There is nothing anyone can do for me. I am terrified there is nothing I can do for me but to deal with this head on, even though my heart is torn. Some of you may not, but right now I am not dongto bring it all up, for I am not sure I can. I have been dealingwith my sons 22 and 25 who are not moving in the right direction. Yes they still live with me. One is still in school and we are hopingthat by the end of summer hewill have finished all the classes needed for his automotive certificate. The oldest is looking for work but as we all knowthe economy is not helping, but he is not looking as hard as he should. To make this all worse Bob is feeling very down, mostly work, the economy which has made our house pretty valuless, his pedning retirement, 2-3 years from now and my sons laziness.
This morning Ireally wanted him to play hooky and stay home, but he had things he had to do at work and he didnt want to deal with my sons, his comment to me this morning, torn me up and hurts now more than words. I am sick at heart. I feel I am coming to a place I prayed I would not have to go. But I feel little choice in the matter. I love Bob with all my heart and I love my sons very much, but I am having choose and I know where I will go with the man I love and hope and desire to spend so many years with. This is all normal right, but it means playingreally hard ball with my sons and that is frighteningto me, I dont want them on the street, I see to many like that in the volunteer work.
So right now I am going to finish this, it was written to let those who care know that I am going to be off at least for today, Oh I will be tracking and dont think Iwill be turning to food, but I need alone time. I plan to clean the whole house today from top to bottom and hope and pray with all this work that something will come to me to help this situation. But in all honesty I really dont think there is.
OMG it hurts so much and I dont know what to do.
I love you all very much and your friendship is like an anchor, for I know it is there.