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Just Didn't Seem to be Too Real

Monday, February 22, 2010


I got my hair cut last week, and promptly forgot how it should look/couldn't replicate it, so it looks more or less the same as before, only shorter (just grazing my shoulders). I know I should use the straightener on it, but by the time I do wound care I just want to run screaming out of the bathroom these days.

And that's the other thing. Wound care continues, even though, since I am not a smoker (which would mean I'd have lousy circulation -- apparently I have lousy circulation without the nicotine high), it should be more or less done. It's not. My circulation issues may have to do with me having extremely low blood pressure, plus I'm always cold. I figure it's all of a piece although the doc isn't really sure, either.

And the hematoma continues. It keeps on keepin' on, like some demented heavy puce-colored egg sitting there on my right breast. Fortunately it is breast-centric and not over my sternum, where it would, I suppose, appear to be either a third breast (how attractive) or the prelude to that scene in "Alien" where .... well, you know the details.

The hematoma was also supposed to be gone by now. It's not.

Hence I've done what I've been doing for about a month. Bandages. Silver sulfadiazine. Tape. Stuff the left side to more or less stay even with the right. Guzzle water like it was going out of style, to try to compensate for the fact that I am one big bloat factory. Attempt to tolerate some sort of spice (because food's gotten boring) without tipping myself into reflux, despite the use of Prilosec, occasionally spiked with doses of Maalox (mint-flavored, if you please). Mederma smeared all over any wounds that have somehow closed, in order to try to deal with the scarring.

And then I get to do it all again before going to bed, too. Ain't that attractive? Isn't plastic surgery supposed to make you pretty or somethin'?

All of this is happening while, as you know, I am attempting to find a job. My severance from my old company has run out. I still get Unemployment and have been getting it for a while. There was a while there where, paradoxically, I was actually hauling in more than I had when I was working. I've banked that. Now it's time to withdraw some of it. And now is the time for more serious budgeting, and not just the minor budgeting of the past three months or so. Now is the time to get into comparing the costs of running the space heaters versus the overall heat (usually the space heaters are better -- this house is huge and not well insulated). Now is the time to go to cheaper restaurants when we go, and tip less. Now is the time to walk even more for minor errands, to save on gas. Coupons. Generics. Buying staples in bulk. Gifts for people? Uh, how about a nice card?

We are fortunate, really. My husband has a good job and it is stable (he works as an engineering designer/draftsman). He has good benefits. We have savings. My parents have been good about helping us with surgery costs, and insurance and flex spending covered some as well. The house is close to being completely paid for, and the monthly mortgage payment isn't horrible when you consider what it could be.

But these things loom large (and I know that stress is no good for healing, but what can ya do?) when you spend time dealing with so many other things that should've been over and done. And now, well, tomorrow there will be another procedure (in-office) to deal with the hematoma. 'Cause it ain't miraculously going away on its own.

It's funny, as that's the side where the original surgical wound has actually healed. Ha! Well, that makes total sense. Can't have me only having two big gaping wounds now, can we? No. I have to haul out the tape and the silver sulfadiazine and the bandages for as many places as freakin' possible, for as long as possible.

Oh, and don't get me started on TOM. You want bloat and cramps? Oh, they're a delight when you're already experiencing them, and already have a hugely distorted breast. Since I am perimenopausal, I get to have TOM every three weeks. Oh the joy.

People have asked me -- when, jes, when are you going to be settling into feeling happy about the surgery?

I know I will at some point. But I'm just not there yet. Perhaps I will be a few days from now, when tomorrow's procedure is firmly ensconced in my rear-view mirror and the swelling is going down and the bruising finally starts to clear up and and and and and .... Sorry this is such a complaintfest. I was hoping that those would be done. Not so fast.

Dammit, I want a refund on this body, or at least on the circulatory system.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I a, so sorry that you are suffering.. I hope you are back to yourself soon
    4134 days ago
    aw i am so sorry you are going through this. i am too dealing with wound care right now as i have what is called a suprapubic catheter which I call a stupid pubic catheter, emoticon and i agree with you when i am finnished changing the bandages on that puppy i too want to go running and screaming out of the bathroom as well. i am sorry you are having such a hard time with the aftercare of your plastic surgery?? I had a breast reduction several years ago that was troublesome and almost died due to lack of proper care by the surgeon and pussy wounds around the incisions. Lucky for me I went to my regular MD who prescribed anitbiotics that kept me alive and now I love having size C breasts and not the size I [yes you read right, i like the letter after g,h,..........] breasts that they had grown into due to having babies and just plain getting fatter at the time. I hope that in time you will come to be happy about your surgery after you are fully healed. emoticon
    4136 days ago
    I hope you mend soon. I'll try to send you some puppy breathe.

    I agree with Sabrina, try some arnica. You can get it at Hannafords many people use it for their dogs. Another thing you might want to try, Turmeric. I've been reading a lot about the healing powers of Turmeric.
    4136 days ago
    Hello m'dear
    Ugh this sounds tough. Wish it would pass soon. I met a pack of Boston Terriers on the beach last weekend. And of course I thought of you. Little did I know you were dealing with misery. It seems like this is a tough time for a lot of us. Interesting challenge about the circulation. Are you walking still? That should help your blood to move around. I'm sending you hugs. Gentle ones.
    4136 days ago
    I hope tomorrow's procedure turns things around. 'Nuff already!
    4136 days ago
    Don't be sorry about "complaining". Wow, you've got a lot going on...and you should continue to use this space to vent about it. I don't know, but I think venting is a better word. "Complaining" sounds whiny. "Venting" seems to me not to have any emotion. Just the facts ma'am. Maybe you'll feel better. Maybe someone will share some insight that is helpful. Just my 2 cents....don't think of it as complaining. :)

    I hope your doctor is able to help you with the issues that remain. Fingers crossed about tomorrow's procedure.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4136 days ago
    I second the arnica. It's amazing for bruises, too. Partly because massaging the area around bruised skin (if you can handle this) is that it increases the circulation which helps move the old cells along... or at least that's how I remember the explanation my Qigong instructor gave me. He also provided Tui Na massage services for a couple of the big name hospitals in the Seattle area.

    4136 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/22/2010 8:21:22 PM
  • no profile photo CD4749243
    Poor baby. I hope and assume it will all be worth it eventually. Gifts? I'd go for free email cards at this juncture. When you're flush again--dang this economy!--you can be generous.

    Hang in there. Hope that doctor can do some magic. If not, I have several lawyers in the family practicing near you. : )
    4136 days ago
  • no profile photo SABRINAWHO
    My doctor suggested arnica, both the topical gel and these little tablets. I swear by the stuff now.
    4136 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3248497
    emoticon I see you being no longer miserable in like 2 months.
    4136 days ago
  • JLITT62
    Sounds to me like you're overdue for venting, so vent away! Sorry to hear thing haven't gone as smoothly as you hoped for. Eventually it WILL be all worth it.
    4136 days ago
    Hugs to you, keep on truckin!!
    4137 days ago
    Big hug to you! emoticon Keep on keepin' on and all that! emoticon All this will be a distant memory in not too long!
    4137 days ago
    4137 days ago
    Once all the healing is done you will be a new woman. Some hemotomas take longer. I had a huge one over my ICD.It looked like I had 3 boobs. It took over 4 months for that thing to go down but it did.
    The day will come when all of this will just be a bad memory.
    4137 days ago
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