Rainy Day Letter
Friday, February 12, 2010
This letter was written last year to be used as a reminder that life is not totally terrible. It offered encouragement, courage and some memories that needed to be brought to the front. I hope you can find the ability to write one for yourself.
Rainy Day Letter
Today looks like a rainy day for you so thought I would drop in and offer some support and encouragement. Is that alright with you? Good, so let’s see where this leads us okay.
What exactly makes a rainy day? Yeah I know all about the sadness, the tears and the hopelessness but I also remember some good times sprinkled somewhere in all of this. You discount all of that do you not? You forget all the great things you have done for others don’t you? You begin to feel all alone to manage this problem until you take to your bed and pull the covers over you head. Will you walk with me a little bit and find some of life’s pleasure and joys.
Yolanda when you look into those beautiful blue eyed children’s faces do you not see a life time of work, dedication and sacrifice all rolled up into the lives of now hard working adults both out there making their mark in the world. Now that is an accomplishment, they both have honor, compassion, they have both found work they adore and are willing to make sacrifices for but yet they find solace in their yards among plants, flowers and birds. One day they will share that with their children bringing your life to a full circle.
So you are telling me that today is the worst day of your life! Are you serious? Do you remember the day Matt was hit by a car, that long drive to Harborview Hospital in Seattle, remember repeating over and over “Matt let me breath for you ….you are going to be just fine”. The agonizing wait for the Medic 1 vehicle to arrive bringing Matt’s broken body to their emergency room, the feeling of disaster when you were assigned a social worker to sit with you. Remember the stillness of the intensive care unit especially in the middle of the night when all seemed hopeless. Remember the pain Matt was in with broken bones, burses, the ventilator and the long days of loneliness and uncertainty. Those were bad days. You were alone then also but you dug in and found the strength to plow through each day. You showed courage.
I hope you are looking forward to this summer when you can sit outside and watch the Blue Jays play in the sky. Like the beautiful day in August several years ago when two of them played with a feather for an hour. It was a large feather so must have come from one of the eagles that come by daily or perhaps a hawk. They would take the feather up into the sky dropping it so the other bird could catch it and bring it up higher. On and on they played catching, dropping, catching, and dropping until their tired of it. I had never seen birds play like that before and was mesmerized. I would like to see that again wouldn’t you?
We were traveling down 202 the other day on the Access Van toward Fall City when we encountered that stretch of road with the wide vistas of the valley below, oh how majestic that view is. Unfortunately all you could visualize was driving off the cliff to your demise but do you think I can help you over come that view and instead see the beauty of the valley, the Snoqualmie River and even the golf course that shares that space. Life should not be about finding what speed a car needs to travel to plow through a guard railing or even visualizing you plummeting down the terrain to end a life you find useless right then. Nope it should be about adventure, discovery and love.
Matt commented on the terrific smell down in the middle flower bed, I t has occurred to me that the lilac should be in bloom right now. In my youth a lilac bush was a very common plant in landscaping, they seemed to smell better then but perhaps that is youth. I can only remember their beautiful purple color and a smell that filled the air especially in the early mornings. That was what Matt was smelling in the yard that day. I did gladly plant one in this yard but now wished I would have put it closer to one of the entranceways or at least where there was more foot traffic. I wished I could smell it every day of my life. I met with Nancy last week, she is the care manager in the Behavior Center, she had some in her office that brought back all of these sweet memories. Can you remember how they smell right now? Bet you can.
Yolanda I know things are bad for you right now, this moment but remember the words of Baron “this is always time limited”. You have worked hard on developing the skills for survival gosh you are even working on the skills for living. There will be a day when reading this letter will not be necessary. There will be a day when you pack it away in your journals hoping to never have to bring it out again.
There may be a time when you need this letter or perhaps even a newer updated version. I am not saying you will never have a bad day or even a long spell of depression. I am not saying life is always going to be rosy from here on in but I am saying that you can get past this today, perhaps hour by hour but you will get past it.
Here is a little tidbit that may help today. Your daughter and her husband have made a decision to start a family. You may one day become a grandmother. Can you become a grandmother like Grandmother Whalen? Can you sit there patiently while the children spill the beans of their week or their mother or their father? Can you love them no matter what? I bet you can but you have to be here to do that. Don’t give up on life Yolanda it is way to precious of a gift. Be determined to wonder in it and to share it with others. Today, right now, right this moment…..choose life.
I love you