At Wits End
Monday, February 08, 2010
I was not having a good day today, I just was so upset with that scale. It just was getting me so down. I was even considering taking diet pills to see if they would start kick my weight more. I have added my activity from 4 miles to 7 miles walking and treadmill. I do 100 laps in the pool. I just cannot figure why the scale is not responding. I have not changed my calories at all I only do 1200 calories a day.
Let me explain a little. About 5 years ago I lost weight, i went form a size 14 to a 4/6. I was 115 pounds. When I did this I was using diet pills to do it. When I went off the diet pills I ended gaining weight back very fast to the largest size I ever was.
There was a huge emotional issue going on in my life at the time. A guy wanted me to lose the weight so I would be thin. This guy was very controlling, and trying to make me a different person, to one he could be happy to be with. I met this guy why I was going through a divorce, the marriage had lasted 25 years. I had not been with a different guy for years. To make a long story short. It took me awhile but I finally realized it was a wrong relationship. Thing is the guy was the one who ended it. I was not happy with who I was. I really had a problem with self. After this relationship ended I was just so hurt I just did not care anymore and I hated life. So I blew up to 225 and I really did not care.
When I finally woke up to what I had done to myself I wanted to do it right. I knew the diet pills were the easy way. Plus I had a huge problem with my heart, the pills made it irregular.
But I am tempted this is for sure, even though I know that this is not the way to go. I am just getting so inpatient right now. So I talked about it on the teams site. Then I just went on the treadmill. I did 4 miles, then I did a 3 mile DVD. So now I am feeling more positive, and a little better. I really got to try and keep all this in perspective and just be patient and do the right thing.
With all of my friends here on Spark I know I can do this it just may take me a whole lot longer than I realized, but I guess that will be ok.