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STEPH-KNEE
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Gee Mom, Way To Kick Me When I'm Down

Monday, February 01, 2010

So my earlier BLOG contained the comments of the skinny girls. Well it's just not my day. So the fine part is: my friend (the one I mentioned before that I went to Vegas with) said this to me: "The boys that like me actually like YOU, they just don't know it yet.. because I say all the cute stuff you say." So I told this to my mom, cuz I thought it was funny, and I know my mom wasn't trying to be rude, she just said what she thought.. and she said this...

"Too funny, her looks and your brains would make you 2 unstoppable."

This brings me back to another thing she said, where I know she wasn't trying to be mean.. but I am a dispatcher, so they only hear the voice. And so my mom heard me on the radio, and she told me this about it:

Mom: I heard you on the radio, and your voice makes you sound hot.
Me: *i just laughed i think*
Mom: Yeah, can you imagine if you were a hottie, those boys would be all over you.

Those boys as in, the deputies. And it's like again, what she said may be true, and I know she wasn't being mean. I know I am in no way a hottie, and I have years of low self esteem to show it, and I know she wasn't trying to be hurtful, it just gets really old after a while...

I know that if I was secure with myself, this stuff wouldn't bother me. I guess it's just been a really bad day in general... and I'm just feeling down in the dumps, and her comment didn't help. I've always had the mentality 'oh maybe that guy would like me if I were skinny' or a 100 other 'if I were skinny' thoughts... I'm just at my witts end at this point.
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  • CARLA393
    Wow, I'm so sorry for you. That's awful to hear your mom talk to you like that. But, I too had my mom say things like that to me. I wrote a blog about it a looooooong time ago in the beginning of Dec I think where she told me she didn't think I'd ever be able to be smaller than a 14. A 14 is STILL a plus size. I refuse to be a plus size. It's not healthy. I still have so much extra fat on me. And I vowed that if I had to work that much harder just to do it, I would. And it definitely hurt me that she'd say something like that to me. And I'm not one for letting people walk over me. My mom always told me I'd never let grass grow under my feet... So I say things to her to let her know that certain things are hurtful, and you're right. Her response was I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm just being realistic.

    Ouch. I guess I've tried "dieting" so much in the past that she has lost faith with me. I know I have a lot to lose, but man. I know my body size is larger than most, so I'll never be 120 pounds, but she refuses to think that I can be a healthy 160. Stand up to your mom, and to people around you. When you start to respect yourself, others will respect you. It sounds corny, but it's true. And that's how I've grown up. I've always been a confident person and it's all because of weight issues. Don't let these people get to you. You're worth more than that!
    4157 days ago
  • STEPH-KNEE
    Miranda, just saw your comment. I figure some people are just rude, but some people don't think about it. Just like my mom just now. I know she wasn't meaning to be hurtful, but jeez.. think before you speak. And yeah I'm sick of it too.

    Thanks about the guy comment. I sit here sometimes and I think 'wow, if I would just lose the weight I could find a good guy' and yada yada yada. But then I start thinking about it, and if this guy wouldn't accept me at a higher weight, he doesn't deserve me at a lower weight. But I am with you, I want to get off the fat train for ME and no one else. I want to feel good about myself, and driving a few people crazy in the mean time is only a bonus;)
    4157 days ago
  • STEPH-KNEE
    Thanks. I just think the comment came at a really bad time... it's just one of those days. But I will try to not let it get to me. Thanks so much for the comment, I really appreciate it!
    4157 days ago
  • RANDABELLE
    ugh! I get that ALL THE TIME too about my voice! At my old job, customers (men) would sometimes say something about it! and lots of co workers. But it doesn't "match me".
    Well girlfriend, this is where we get off the fat train:)
    By the way, whether you lose weight or not the right guy who finds you completely irresistable is out there!!:)
    4157 days ago
  • HUNTINGGODDESS
    Why do you let people bring you down? Seriously try to talk your mind more. And skinny does not equal sexy. Confidence is sexy. I think you should try to embrace yourself more. Not everyone likes a stick either. Just keep your head high. You can do it. emoticon
    4157 days ago
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