Venting family frustrations...
Saturday, January 30, 2010
first off i just want to say that this blog is probably more for me than you. I need to vent somewhere safe and thats here with you guys for me.
As stated in many past blogs, I have a difficult relationship with my family especially my mom. Shes a very judgemental person and always negative in any new situation and I work hard daily to be the opposite of that and we butt heads because of that and many other things. Anyway, this particular blog is because of the boy.
I tried to tell her that I was on an online dating site and she freaked out because she thinks every person online is a "bad" person and just wants sex and nothing else and will murder you or kidnap you..thats the negativity coming out. Yes, I know a lot of you are thinking 'thats a mom, shes just worried about you.' and I get that but thats also why she and i are not close and why she is only close with one of her daughters. ANYWAY, so I tried telling my mom that I am going on a date tonight and she was wanting to know who. So i told her a friend set me up with a guy and she goes 'oh well is he even a GOOD guy??(no mom hes an abuser and an ex con) why dont you want to go out with a guy we set you up with? you are such a brat etc etc.' side note: the guy my mom wants me to go out with is 45, has an 18 year old son and is a new widow. And my one sister that i dont get along with (moms clone) wants to set me up with a guy i am completely unattracted to and have nothing in common with. So my mom is lecturing me about how I am so willing to go out with someone else and not the ones the two of them set me up with. Its just frustrating. Instead of being excited for me about my date she makes it negative and picks on me. Then she lectures me about how i just want to be alone and i always am so negative and stuff when thats not true. She doesnt want to get to know who i really am and when i try to talk with her she only hears what she wants to hear and its always distorted. She wants to be the one to make decisions for my life. She wants to choose where i will live and who i will date (i know this because she told me i am uncapable of making my own decisions). Who does that?
I am so excited about my boy but honestly i dont know if I will ever be able to share it with my family. She will say something negative about him like she does whenever she meets a new person in my life that she didnt personally pick out. Sorry I had to get this all out. At least I get to see the boy tonight. sigh.