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Venting family frustrations...

Saturday, January 30, 2010

first off i just want to say that this blog is probably more for me than you. I need to vent somewhere safe and thats here with you guys for me.
As stated in many past blogs, I have a difficult relationship with my family especially my mom. Shes a very judgemental person and always negative in any new situation and I work hard daily to be the opposite of that and we butt heads because of that and many other things. Anyway, this particular blog is because of the boy.
I tried to tell her that I was on an online dating site and she freaked out because she thinks every person online is a "bad" person and just wants sex and nothing else and will murder you or kidnap you..thats the negativity coming out. Yes, I know a lot of you are thinking 'thats a mom, shes just worried about you.' and I get that but thats also why she and i are not close and why she is only close with one of her daughters. ANYWAY, so I tried telling my mom that I am going on a date tonight and she was wanting to know who. So i told her a friend set me up with a guy and she goes 'oh well is he even a GOOD guy??(no mom hes an abuser and an ex con) why dont you want to go out with a guy we set you up with? you are such a brat etc etc.' side note: the guy my mom wants me to go out with is 45, has an 18 year old son and is a new widow. And my one sister that i dont get along with (moms clone) wants to set me up with a guy i am completely unattracted to and have nothing in common with. So my mom is lecturing me about how I am so willing to go out with someone else and not the ones the two of them set me up with. Its just frustrating. Instead of being excited for me about my date she makes it negative and picks on me. Then she lectures me about how i just want to be alone and i always am so negative and stuff when thats not true. She doesnt want to get to know who i really am and when i try to talk with her she only hears what she wants to hear and its always distorted. She wants to be the one to make decisions for my life. She wants to choose where i will live and who i will date (i know this because she told me i am uncapable of making my own decisions). Who does that?
I am so excited about my boy but honestly i dont know if I will ever be able to share it with my family. She will say something negative about him like she does whenever she meets a new person in my life that she didnt personally pick out. Sorry I had to get this all out. At least I get to see the boy tonight. sigh.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CHICKWITHPEEPS
    First off, I moved 4 hours away from my mom to be away from her judgemental nature. In fact, I was your age when I moved! It was THE best thing I could have ever done for our relationship. No, I'm not saying move away from your mom! It's been 13 years since moving and I've figured out a lot of things in order to live at peace. First of all, it's not being able to control situations that makes "judgemental" people feel uneasy. It's the fear of the unknown. She views you as a product... something she has created and is responsible for. So, if you make a mistake, essentially she makes a mistake. She hasn't been able to separate herself from you as an individual... that mother/chid bond is one tight MF! You have to understand it's her issue, not yours. Sweetie, live your life, make decisions for yourself that are healthy. Be independent of your mom and sister and know that by no means do you have to tell them everything. You're 25? You're definitely entitled to some privacy. My motto with my mom... what she doesn't know won't kill her. My mom instilled a lot of strong morals into my character and I'm thankful for that. But at the same time, it led to a lot of inner turmoil for me. All I can say is, from experience... spread your wings!
    On a side note, I met my husband on the internet emoticon
    And while going through the internet dating process, all my mom knew was that I had met someone really nice. Only after he and I became "a thing" did I tell her any details of how we met. Good luck and I hope that you and the boy had a lovely time!
    3679 days ago
  • MSEVERLAST
    Why is she like that I wonder?! I have found over the years that most people are simply doing what they have been shown. I'm wondering how her relationship was with her mother and how her mother treated her.

    I am excited about your boy too because this is sounding good!
    3679 days ago
  • PAGONA
    there you go, we can't choose our family, you enjoy yourself with the boy and unless you mom is paying your bills then don't tell here anything. Bottom line, Now remember I have a 20 year old daughter. and it is her life. I can only hope she make good choices but again it is her life. You many need to keep the boy undercover from your family and maybe as things get deeper between the two of you and your can explain your family to him then bring him around. no one should have to deal with a neg. family.
    3679 days ago
  • CELESTIALAXIS
    I know not everyone believes it, but there are good guys online. ;-) Marrying the one I met on Craig's List! Best friend married a guy she met online, they have two beautiful little boys now. I know I don't need to convince you, and I can't convince her, but I thought I'd throw it out there. =)
    3679 days ago
  • MOMMYSWAMI
    omg, how many times did I think you needed to read my comment?
    3679 days ago
  • MOMMYSWAMI
    My mom does a lot of the same discouraging things. My sister and I call it "sh*tting in your head" Luckily I get along with my sister. As for my mother, I realize my sister and I are very much like her in many ways, some good, some bad. What I try to do is recognize the things she does that make me crazy and then work on it in myself without making her wrong for it. I realize that although my mother says a lot of negative things, complains excessively, etc. that she really means well. It's amazing when I keep that in mind how the things that used to make me absolutely livid and not want to even talk to her have no effect on me. It ain't easy but it's made a huge difference in not only my relationship with her, but with my husband and children. Anyway just a thought.

    Oh btw, my dad met his current wife on eHarmony and they are tremendously happy and my best girlfriend met her current boyfriend with whom she is looking for a house, on Match. In this day and age, it's the norm.
    3679 days ago
  • MOMMYSWAMI
    My mom does a lot of the same discouraging things. My sister and I call it "sh*tting in your head" Luckily I get along with my sister. As for my mother, I realize my sister and I are very much like her in many ways, some good, some bad. What I try to do is recognize the things she does that make me crazy and then work on it in myself without making her wrong for it. I realize that although my mother says a lot of negative things, complains excessively, etc. that she really means well. It's amazing when I keep that in mind how the things that used to make me absolutely livid and not want to even talk to her have no effect on me. It ain't easy but it's made a huge difference in not only my relationship with her, but with my husband and children. Anyway just a thought.

    Oh btw, my dad met his current wife on eHarmony and they are tremendously happy and my best girlfriend met her current boyfriend with whom she is looking for a house, on Match. In this day and age, it's the norm.
    3679 days ago
  • MOMMYSWAMI
    My mom does a lot of the same discouraging things. My sister and I call it "sh*tting in your head" Luckily I get along with my sister. As for my mother, I realize my sister and I are very much like her in many ways, some good, some bad. What I try to do is recognize the things she does that make me crazy and then work on it in myself without making her wrong for it. I realize that although my mother says a lot of negative things, complains excessively, etc. that she really means well. It's amazing when I keep that in mind how the things that used to make me absolutely livid and not want to even talk to her have no effect on me. It ain't easy but it's made a huge difference in not only my relationship with her, but with my husband and children. Anyway just a thought.

    Oh btw, my dad met his current wife on eHarmony and they are tremendously happy and my best girlfriend met her current boyfriend with whom she is looking for a house, on Match. In this day and age, it's the norm.
    3679 days ago
  • THIRDXACHARM
    Unfortunately, we can choose our friends but not our families. Just do what you can with your mom but take care of yourself too. If she and your sister don't understand you then have the type of relationship with them that you can but don't expect them to change. If they ever do great but you wont be disappointed if they don't. Have a great time tonight!
    3679 days ago
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