Tuesday, January 12, 2010
My lil man walking in the door and saying, "wow, what smells so good?!", is happiness to me.
My older son scoring a touchdown or reading Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy is happiness to me.
Sagwa (my sweet dog) sleeping on the recliner is happiness to me.
Kevin stumbling around half asleep is still very funny to me.
Hot tea on the nightstand is happiness to me. Not so much the tea, but the fact that someone thought enough of me to make it for me :)
I love for someone to tell me that they love the food I made for them.
I like the quieter version of me. Some people say it is because I am getting older, I think it is contentment.
I still have my goals that i must work towards, but emotionally I am content, and contentment is good. For so long, I would feed my belly to repair the hole in my soul or to calm the anxiety. I am learning to calm the storms that rage outside and inside without food. Food was a constant, dependable, always satisfying, always delicious, and always there. It is OK to have anxiety. It is natural. It is OK to be afraid of the unknown, that is natural as well. What is not OK is the poisoning of myself to push away any bad feelings. Literally poisoning myself. I am a heartbeat away from becoming a diabetic. I was stealing moments from my family by clipping years off my life. That is over. I will not do that anymore. Bad feelings are a part of life. Tears and sadness come with life. Isn't that how you know your alive though, by feeling. I am blessed to have laugh lines developing. I am so thankful for every great moment in my life. Good and bad they are all part of the patchwork quilt that is my life story thus far. You must deal with and figure out what stimulus prompted the feeling then deal with it, fix it if you can, let it go if you can not, because it will help you E V O L V E.
All my experiences, good and bad, have lead to my present consciousness, to this happy feeling, right now. I am excited about the next lesson, no matter how tough.
If i have not formally introduced myself, please allow me....
Hi, my name is April, and I am fighting an eating disorder. I am a recovering binge eater.