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Last blog of 2009...& looking forward to 2010!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Hello Spark Friends! emoticon

I knows its been awhile since I last wrote a blog entry. Over the past several months a lot went on and is still going on, but I am looking forward to the new year because I feel that it is going to be a great one. The Lord has great things in store for me and when you open your heart to him, he listens and guides you in the right direction.

The last you all heard from me was at the end of September when I completed my 1st Triathlon and I must say, I will be doing another 3 this coming 2010! emoticonIt was such an amazing experience and I want to continue to do them for many years to come.

From Sept-Oct:

I was getting back into my regular workout regimen after the 11-12 weeks of Tri training killed me. lol I wasnt eating so much this time around and had to get back into the habit of eating my 1300-1400 cals a day..hard, but I did. emoticon

Mid October-Nov:

I ran my 1st 15k race..though I have ran many of those miles lol, I signed up for the Run For Chocolate 15k which was 11/1/09. What a fun run.. fundue, hot chocolate and lots of goodies post-race hehe. I got this cool sweater and hat..it was great running with my run buddies and having a blast!

Though around mid Nov..My Rott Cody was diagnosed with Oral Melanoma and it was something that spread so quickly we didnt have time to even think. He developed a lump on his right cheek, but we didnt think anything of it, but we took him to his vet and got him on antibiotics, the swelling went down so we were feeling better about things. I few weeks later it got bigger and took him to get blood work done and everything came back ok, just his white blood cell count was up a bit..meaning, an infection in the body. We assumed it was an absess (tooth). The doctors said it could be that, or a mass. Never once did they say if could be cancerous. So, we took him home..put him on meds and a week or 2 later, we was getting weak and losing weight rapidly because he wasnt eating. We then went back again and the his vet told us that it looks like a mass and that we need to remove it. So we made an appt for the next day and we dropped our Cody off, and we were told we could pick him up at the end of the day. Well, 5pm strolled around and I called in to see if surgery went well and the Dr. told me he didnt perform the surgery because he heard some ab-normal breathing before putting him under the anesthesia. (Sorry, but WTF! Why didnt they call us and say that they couldnt perform surgery, I was furious!!!!) They did a chest X-ray on Cody and to find out that he has cancer and it spread throughout his entire lungs. I stopped the car and screamed and cried out loud more than I ever had in my life! My doggie has cancer, what are we going to do?! Jeff and I went home and sat down and said, "This isnt our fault", things happen and we had no control over it! We picked Cody up that morning and decided to take him home. Jeff wanted to do everything possible to keep Cody alive, but I knew in my heart Cody was just suffering. He was at Stage 5 and his prognosis was Poor! We called an Oncologist and Jeff wanted to proceed with Chemo and Radiation. So we made an appt. for the next few days and Cody had his 1st Chemo session. (I didnt want to tell Jeff, but I knew how bad Cody's condition was and Jeff was keeping Cody alive for himself) Keeping Cody alive just for him was wrong, but I had to support Jeff's decision to go ahead with Chemo because Cody was originally his dog when I first met him. Cody was suffering and it killed me to see him like that. A few days after his 1st Chemo session Cody started to have seizures. It was the worst thing I have ever witnessed, and I knew..enough was enough. I asked Jeff to please sit down with me and discuss about putting our big boy down. Jeff wasnt coming to his senses, but he knew it had to be done. So on a Wednesday morning, I was at work and Jeff was home and Cody started to have seizure and seizure and then...Jeff knew it was time. The cancer had spread to the brain and there was nothing anyone could do for him anymore. I rushed home from work, we drove to the Vet and put Cody down 11/18/09 @ around 11:30am. This was honestly the HARDEST thing I've ever had to do, but we knew it was the right thing. He will forever be in our hearts and will never be forgotten. *RIP Cody Bear* emoticonWe decided to cremate him so he could be with us forever.

Beginning of Dec- present:

After Cody past I decided that I wanted to run a 1/2 Marathon in his memory so I signed up for the RnR Las Vegas Half Marathon. I never ran in a different city other than Chicago, so it was a great experience and I wanted to run it for my Cody bear. I also ran because I can and I'm just blessed that I have my legs/feet to help me do that and the will power! I flew down with some friends and had a great time..couldnt of had a better mini vacation. Halfie #4 Complete, woohoo!!

After the loss of Cody, things at home werent getting any better. This is really hard to say, but I know that all my Sparkfriends won't judge me and you are all loving and very caring people. Mine and Jeff's relationship has been going down hill, why? Well..after 6 yrs of being with him, I am not in love with him anymore. It hurts to say that, but over the past several years things just havent been the same. He isnt the person he once was and I know this because I have seen a change in him. His career has taken control over him and I just cant go on living like this anymore. I have done everything possible to make him as happy as a person should be and I've just given up. It just blows my mind that a man cant see what a great women he has, it sux..but I must move on. Its been a little over 6 yrs and I knew that in my heart I wanted to be with him forever and be his wife. I told him that I wanted him to commit to me and marry me and I was ready to settle down and have a family sometime in the near future. Well, things dont always go your way. He told me that he isnt ready for commitment and that hes very sorry. I'm sorry, but thats a bunch of BS! I have been living with him for over 5 yrs, took care of his dog..(which I became a part of Cody's life and nothing will ever change that), but I gave up my dog so I could take in Cody as my own. Things were pretty rocky before Jeff got into the Chicago Police academy, but he promised me that when he graduated and was on the force..things were going to be better for the both of us. So, I stuck by his side..trained with him, woke up on early morning to cook him breakfast and to make sure he had everything he needed. I knew the stress of the academy was going to get to him, so I did everything I could to make him feel appreciated.

Well..October of this year, Jeff graduated from the police academy and was now on his start to his dream job. I was so proud of him because we did this together and we can finally start developing our future, or so I thought. When he started working on the streets and working at his new district, I was very worried..couldnt sleep at night and prayed for him every night. Could I really do this? Can I really be with someone who has a job that involves, guns, crime, violence? I loved Jeff and needed to support him because I knew how much this meant to him. As the weeks went by..I wouldnt see him, he wouldnt call, he would go out with his cop friends...what about me? I hope I'm not sounding selfish, but what about the women who helped you get to the top and did everything for you so you could succeed at getting the job you wanted. I was not happy, I was miserable and felt unappreciated and unloved. He told me that he was sorry that his job is consuming him, but he will make it up to me. (**I dont want to make him sound like a bad person, but I believe that his career is getting the best of him and if thats the case, I cant be with someone like that**) He constantly would go out with his friends, come home late and didnt pay me any attention. This is just a few things among other things that are going on in our relationship. I knew what I had to do from this moment on and that is...to finally say..enough is enough and walk away. 6 yrs is a good enough time to know and realize if a relationship is going to work and enough time to see if I am the women he wants to marry. Well, what can I say...things arent made to last forever and I am making the decision to leave and be HAPPY! Everyone deserves happiness and being with someone who doesnt support me, especially being at all my runs really sadens me, but I must be strong and keep my head up. I have come a long way and I cant let anything or anyone bring me down. I am determined to keep succeeding in life and god has great things in store for me. Its also so very true that when you open your heart to the lord, he does great things for you. God has opened my eyes because I was so blind to see what was going on in my life. He strengthens me everyday and is guiding me in the right direction.. in my career, health and love life. I'm going to make some guy very happy and I know I will because I am a wonderful, positive and loving women, not to brag. I have been going to church with my parents for the past few weeks and wow, I feel like a whole new person. God is good, ALL THE TIME!

As of right now, I am concentrating on my training for the ING Miami 1/2 Marathon that I will be running on January 31st! I'm very blessed to have such great friends and positive people in my life that make me want to be even more of a better person.

Some of you may or may not know, but I am going to be featured in 2 magazines this coming year. "Fitness" Magazine..the February issue and "SELF" Magazine in the March/April issue and possibly again in the June issue, w00y-w00t!!! This is another one of my long-term goals/dreams when I first started my weightloss journey and its coming true!

Sparkfriends...I wish you all the best of the best in 2010!! Stay Strong and focused and all of your dreams can become reality!!! You can overcome any obstacles in life if you continue to stay strong and positive! I love you all and you are family to me. I will pray for all of you that 2010 brings you joy, happiness, success and love!

Heres to a FABULOUS and HEALTHY 2010!!!



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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BRIGHTBOW
    God bless you in this new year! You are such an inspiration and help to me and so many others!
    3942 days ago
  • TRAINER_T
    Sorry I did not read this bf my comment.....yikes but I am thrilled about the features!
    Wow thats wonderful let me know when they come out I want to get them....
    Im so proud and you know Im here for you but I can see God has big things planned for you in 2010!
    Loves T-bear
    3943 days ago
  • RUN2009
    I think this blog demonstrates how strong you are physically AND mentally - all the best to you in 2010!
    3947 days ago
  • AJACALL
    Hey Sparkfriend!!
    You are SUCH an inspiration to me!! Your story is so amazing!!! You are a true testament to reaching your goals and beyond if you truly put your mind to it!!!

    I am SO sorry to hear about your dog, Cody. I can really relate because my bf and I had to put our cat, babykitty, to sleep 7/29/09 and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She had cancer and it all happened so quickly, I walked the Chicago Rock n' Roll Half Marathon and in my head I was walking it for her! :)

    Good luck with all of your goals this year and I look forward to meeting you and being workout buddies!!!

    xoxo

    Aja
    3953 days ago
  • AJACALL
    Hey Sparkfriend!!
    You are SUCH an inspiration to me!! Your story is so amazing!!! You are a true testament to reaching your goals and beyond if you truly put your mind to it!!!

    I am SO sorry to hear about your dog, Cody. I can really relate because my bf and I had to put our cat, babykitty, to sleep 7/29/09 and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She had cancer and it all happened so quickly, I walked the Chicago Rock n' Roll Half Marathon and in my head I was walking it for her! :)

    Good luck with all of your goals this year and I look forward to meeting you and being workout buddies!!!

    xoxo

    Aja
    3953 days ago
  • LIL_EZZY
    Well My dear. You are right you are strong and a good woman and you definatley will make some man extremely happy. I am really sorry that you guys didn't make it but it is better for you to be happy and not waiting on the wings all the time. I am so sorry to hear about Cody. You made me cry with this story. You poor thing. Congrats on the halfie Im sure your Cody was watching you as you ran it. And Hears to 2010!!!!
    CHEERS !!!! Goodluck and Im looking forward to hearing updates of the fantastic things that are happening to you this year.
    Erin
    3953 days ago
  • LFLFLPLP
    First of all Congrats on the magazines!!! Can't wait for them to come out!

    Secondly, I admire what you are doing. There are a couple of people in my life that have been in long term relationships where the guy is just not ready for a commitment after many years. It's obvious to others around them that it is not what they want but they are staying anyway despite being unhappy. Life is too short and too precious to stay in a relationship that doesn't bring you joy. I wish you much luck on your future and I truly believe you will find that special guy who can appreciate you for the prize that you are!

    Have a wonderful 2010!
    3954 days ago
  • MISSMV
    You are a beautiful and strong woman! You have come along way and your perseverance has definitly paid off. As we go through tough times we learn and gain new perspective on things that we may have not if we didn't go through them. It sounds like you have a great outlook on life and you CAN accomplish ANYTHING!! Keep your head up girlie emoticon
    And thank you for continuing to inspire us :)
    3955 days ago
  • LUCKYCHARM15
    A- Wishing you all the best in 2010 and beyond!!! You are an inspiration and can't wait to see you in the magazines!
    3957 days ago
  • ARMSPORTS
    Sounds like it's been quite an eventful year. Keep God in your life and He will open doors and windows of opportunity. Trust that He will bring the right person into your life. He always does, sometimes we just have just have to sort through a few first!

    Good luck with your training and Happy 2010!
    3959 days ago
  • RA4945
    You are a beautiful, loving and strong Christian woman!! I don't even know you, yet I feel proud of you! I too am a Christian and know that without Him, I would be lost and miserable. He makes life worth living and no person on this earth can fill that need. I'm so excited that you will be in those two magazines as I am subscribed to both! I can't wait to see your articles. You're an inspiration! God bless you! Rebecca
    3959 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1711297
    First of all congrats on everything you have accomplished this year! Second, I'm sorry to hear about you and Jeff. You gotta do what you gotta do and if this is what you feel is best for you then I support you 100%. And yes you are an amazing woman and you deserve someone who will treat you like the princess you are and actually appreciate what you do for them. After reading about your struggles, I'm actually glad that John didn't go in the direction of becoming a cop. Instead, he decided to go into teaching. His uncle is a cop and his marriage is in shambles because of the very same things you just mentioned. I think they are actually getting divorced and there are kids involved. It's a tough job but it's also a tough job for a gf, fiancee, or wife to handle. You did what you could do and you could do nothing more. He will realize one day the mistake he made and all the sacrifices you made for him. Too bad it will be too late by then.

    You have been a great friend to me this year and I am so thankful to have you in my life if only virtually. One day I WILL go to Chi town and tear it up with ya! LOL I'm glad to see you are keeping your head up and if you need anything and I mean anything please call, text, email, fax, or send a pigeon. I'm here for ya girl!

    Here's to a great 2010!
    3959 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/29/2009 12:25:57 PM
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