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I ask you this...What do you want?

Monday, December 28, 2009

I've been fighting weight loss/gain since I was 19 years old.

It started out slowly. I was 120 pounds and it would start with just a couple of pounds that would creep up and then go away. Then it got to be a few more - up and down. I would say to myself, I still look good at 130. 140 isn't so bad. Then finally, when I was 37 years old I reached 250 pounds. The largest I'd ever been in my life.

Before my highest weight I joined Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, and Weight Watchers. I tried every diet I could find in a magazine or something a friend would suggest. Lastly, I joined Lindora and lost 63 pounds. I was able to keep it off for awhile, but sure enough I started to creep up again. By November of 2006, I was 240 pounds again.

In March 2007, I joined Sparkpeople. I went down to 182 pounds. Great, right? Well, unfortunately, I am now up to 220 again. I have been 200 - 205 pounds for 5.5 months. Then my eating just got out of control. I was eating everything and anything I wanted to the fullest extent.

So, now I ask me this... What do I want?

Do I want to be uncomfortable in my own skin? No!
Do I want to take 45 minutes every morning trying to figure out what to wear that doesn't show too much of my fat and then still end up wearing one of 5 outfits that still fit? No!
Do I want my knees to hurt when I run? No!
Do I want people to ask me, "if you're running so much, why aren't you thinner?" (true question - I didn't have an answer). No!
Do I want to be afraid of my scale? No!
Do I want to wonder what people are thinking when they look at me? No!

I'm pretty sure I'd like nothing more than to be excited to look in a mirror and try on new clothes and to walk around the house naked (as long as my son isn't home - lol) and to be able to run a 10 minute mile like it was nothing. I'd like to be comfortable with my picture being taken and sharing in my family and friends memories.

So, then why aren't I doing it? What is holding me back?

Fear and laziness:

I've been too lazy to write down my food and exercise. Its been proven to me again and again that that is the "secret" to my success. When I write things down, I do much better.

Fear is the bigger of the two. I'm afraid that when I get to my goal weight, my shield will be down. I may find that I'm not happy with my life, that I'm no longer satified with the way things are going. I may have to make drastic changes. Change is not easy for me, so I have a tentancy to stick with the status quo. I usually start out gung-hoa after updating this page, but I think I'm going to start off slow.

So, to answer my question...What do you want?

. I want to write down my food at least 5 days a week
. I want to run/walk 10 miles a week for 4 weeks
. I want to take my picture everyday, so I can see my progress in front of me and not only on my scale and
. I want to forgive myself for getting this size again and just move on from here.

Here I go..................
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KEKEIKO
    Remember Veronica you have not failed unless you've given up. I too have gained almost all my weight back. I'm starting tonight with a blog & a salad. I'm going to eat and drink lots of water. I hope your plan works for you. Strength to you my friend. Hugs, Keke
    3841 days ago
  • GIRLINMOTION
    Veronica, the only thing you need to fear is fear itself. You know the route to take on your journey to your healthier lifestyle goals. I also hear you on the tracking of food and exercise, they really are the key. I know some days life just gets in the way, and also, the food is hard to track if you eat out (which I do lots), but it still give you a rough idea.

    I am so glad that you are not giving up on yourself!!! You can do this Veronica!!!

    Hugs, Sonia
    3842 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.