You have such a pretty face, but....
Monday, November 30, 2009
Can someone please tell me what that means? And furthermore, who says that to someone when they are trying to be complementary? It's like a backhanded compliment. If you're going to give someone a compliment, take the "but" out. Why can't it be, "You're pretty!" Why does it have to be, "You're pretty, but...?" I would rather not have anything at all. That phrase just annoys me to death.
My mom and I were having a discussion about marriage and babies. She has been, not so subtly, dropping hints that she wants me to get married so I can give her grandchildren. Nevermind the fact that she has 4 already but she wants them specifically from me. In the midst of the conversation, she says to me, "You'd be much more beautiful if you lost some weight. Then you'd be able to find a husband." Pourquoi? I had to take 30 seconds to replay that back in my head to make sure she actually said what she said. Not only did she say that I wasn't pretty, but she also told me I was overweight which is the reason why I don't have a husband. It was only when I completely freaked out did she understand the full implications of her words. I will say that my mom has been nothing but supportive of me in my journey, but she completely hurt my feelings by saying that. As I was freaking out, I somehow felt the need to explain to her the reasons why I'm not looking for a boyfriend. After thinking about my explanation, I felt like I was on the defensive trying to refute everything she was saying. That defense made me question, why was I being so defensive? Did I secretly, deep down believe what she was telling me? Do I not have a boyfriend because I'm overweight and ashamed of how I look which leads me to not think I'm pretty. Yes, I am completely aware that beauty is subjective. Some people think Heidi Klum is smokin' hot, while others think not so much. For me, it's just hard to reconcile the fact that my mom thinks that no man will ever love me because I'm overweight. Who says that to someone? My mom apparently.
So, what have I learned through all of this? Words hurt, yes but I can't let my mom affect me like she has because she's focused on getting grandchildren before she dies. Quite frankly, I'm not ready for all of that, fat or not. When you get married you have to share, and I'm not ready to share. And when you have children, you instantly become unselfish and everything you do is for your children. I'll admit it, I quite enjoy being selfish. As far as the husband thing, when I'm ready it will happen. I don't believe love is something you look for because what you think is love may not really be love and then stuff gets sticky. The beauty thing, every woman has her days where she thinks on the positive or the negative side. For me, it takes way too much energy to focus on that. I'd rather focus on me and my awesomeness.
As for my mom, she is supportive, yes, but I think she needs to realize that my weight loss isn't about "finding a husband" or "becoming pretty" it's about being healthy and not having the risks that are associated with obesity hanging over my head. Becoming a thinner version of my already hot tottiness self is entirely secondary, although I wouldn't mind it one bit.