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Envy exercise

Saturday, November 21, 2009

I know from experience that I feel so much better and have more power if I am grateful for my life - but some days I have such a hard time to feel it - i just keep thinking about my worries... so I´ll put them on the table to get rid of them:
- I have a hard time to walk, my feet hurts since chemo.
- I have no money and christmas is rising above the horizon..
- I will probably loose the trial with my ex about where my daughter should live.
- I have no trust in myself, I am scared that I will not be able to manage my life at all...

There - feels better immediately!

When I see it in writing I realize that it is petty problems compared to having breast cancer (as I have had) or having no friends or family. I also see that my biggest problem is the lack of trust in myself. And - as I have started to feel through the twelve step community - I have a higher power I can trust and I can focus on doing my footwork and leave time and results to my higher power.

To be honest I think my bad feelings stems from the new car that my friend and landlady came home with yesterday. She is a veterinarian and earns quite a lot each month and her old car - a mercedes - broke down last week. So she bought a new one - and it is a Saab -09 with all the fun "extras" - modern cars can do almost anything except from walking the dog... and I look at my Volvo -97 that cost me 45.000 swedish crowns which I am mortgaging on, and it is a good enough car for my needs... and I do know that my friend probably have a heavy mortgage on that new saab, I also know that she has borrowed millions to build the house that we live in and I am so happy to be just boarding here and not owning. I wouldn´t change for the world - or would I?
- I envy her youth, she is ten years younger and that I cannot change
- I envy her health, she is not overweight as me - that I can change
- I envy her money, I don´t know if I can earn as much in a steady basis but I have done it and I can at least try to do it again...

If I was her, looking at me - would I envy something?
- I would envy my friends, I have a lot who really cares about me.
- I would envy my humour, I laugh a lot and enjoy small things more than most people.
- I would envy my skill with words in speech and writing (in swedish, english is not so elegant...)
- I would envy my peace - I don´t work that much since I do earn a lot for the little I am doing.

This was my morning exercise to get myself in the right mood. I can see that the only wrong thing is my life is me - and that is changeable!

Thanks for reading

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh, you. It is so helpful to put that stuff out there, isn't it? But don't think that it is petty...I know there are worse things, but we deal with what we deal with, you know?
    I was thinking...wow, you have a car? I know that where you live, cars and GAS are outrageous.
    And envy...that's the worst, isn't it? Even though we know we shouldn't, which makes it that much worse!
    Love you!

    3650 days ago
    Be assured you communicate beautifully in English. It is hard to believe it is your second language. I envy that you speak and write two languages so well. You are obviously a very bright woman, very capable of enjoying your blessings and facing your challenges.
    3651 days ago
    I love the exercise you did here in front of all of us. It's a great example of how we should handle those seasons of life that don't seem to be bringing the joy that we'd like. I want to use this exercise myself the next time I'm having a pity party~ Thanks for sharing!
    3651 days ago
    You have a lot to envy. Friends and love are what really matters in life. Not money. I live in NYC, and there are a lot of very wealthy people here who are very unhappy. I am not wealthy. I live hand to mouth too. But Like you I feel lucky to have good friends. You are a strong person. Feel good about yourself. You deserve it.
    3652 days ago
    You're wise enough to know that it's never a good idea to compare ourselves to someone else. It's only illusion that money brings true happiness. The positive things you listed about yourself are what really matters. Have a wonderful day today. May your cup always be half full, never half empty...you're worth it! Jeannine
    3652 days ago
    You're human and are allowed to feel worried/unhappy/envious. Lucky enough you're a smart enough woman to look on the bright side of things and know that things could always...ALWAYS be worse!

    3652 days ago
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