It is "Take a Hike day" care to walk with me?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I would love to take a hike with all my Spark frineds. You guys are great. I have learned some insightful things since I have been here sharing with all of you. Some I am sure we could be great friends. I am grateful for all the motivation I have gotten on this journey.
As I look towards the end of this year and think about how I want to finish the year off I realize that I did not make it nearly as far as I had hoped this year. I thought I would be at least half way to my goal by this time. I am not. I went to the doctor and he said that am about the same weight that I was at this time last year. Well I know I have lost 20 lbs in that time. But I guess I gained it in that time too. So the result is a net change of nothing on the scale.
I have walked. I have eaten vegetables. I have thought and I have worked. I am not sure why I am not where I want to be. I would like to have a better vision of where I want to go. I wonder if that is the problem. It has been such a long time since I have been thin and felt myself to be attractive that I am just not sure how it would feel to be that again. Can Moms be attractive? Have I ruined myself for my family? You know in the process of having all these babies.
I can take time for myself to make this happen. I am the mom. I can choose the foods to make us healthier. I can decide what I will eat when my teenaged kids are eating foods that are not in my best interest. I can learn to make an enjoyable meal with the foods that make me feel strong and healthy.
I worry that I will never get to have the baked foods that I love ever again. I worry about missing the times snacking freely with my kids. I really do enjoy baking for and with my family. I don't exactly know how to replace that and keep the together feeling. With my daughter I could take up sewing and such. that would be a creative outlet. My sons don't want to do that.
One son watched me trying to figure out a challenging crochet blanket. He said "I think all the Boy Scouts could do that. It is not much different than the yarn and ropes." I agreed and asked hime if he wanted to learn. Nope was his reply. It was kind of funny. I like the good times. I need to pay more attention to other ways to have a good time and think about this some more.
I am not sure that I know about the concept of "Enough". I don't think I would have gotten to this weight if I only ate enough food. I would feel happier if I knew when my house was clean "enough" when I had walked long enough. When I had done enough to lose weight. I need a daily goal and to stop both at the point of enough with both food and exercise. Then I can take the worry out of the picture.
What would the vision of where I want to go look like? How will I know when I have arrived?