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I am a mess....

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Today didn't start off well for me because I got on the scale hoping to see a difference in the number..still nothing...i am hovering between 168-169....I actually said out loud to the scale "what more do you want from me???" yep...i'm crazy..lol. But seriously? what?

Anyways...so...I had a tea party this afternoon with some girls I mentor and their mom's and the girls all baked something and brought it along and I had it all planned out that I was only going to drink tea and try only ONE small thing...but then felt bad because they had worked so hard and then i started thinking it would be rude if i didn't try a bit of each thing...so i took a little bit of each thing...and when I was done with my small plate I actually still felt ok, not too stuffed or overly sugared out, but still knowing that that plate made me go over my daily calories....

So for dinner I went with some friends to try out a new Western restaurant and I ordered Minestrone soup and a strawberry smoothie (which was just syrup and ice...so not healthy). I ended up trying one little bite of most everyone's dishes cuz it was a new restaurant and that's what everyone else was doing...again didn't want to be rude and started thinking I might as well cuz I already screwed up in the afternoon with the sweets.

So when I got home...I kinda went crazy I ate a bag of M&M's and popped popcorn (the unhealthy way with butter), even though I was not hungry at all and I for sure didn't have any calories left to use up....But i just got it in my head that it didn't matter because I had already messed up for the day, might as well go all out...REALLY lisa? seriously...i am such a mess! why do I do that? My binges happen when I start thinking like that...that's what happened last weekend...that's probably why the scale isn't moving too....

I leave for home in 5 weeks and I am 8-9lbs from my goal....it's super stressing me out...on top of having to pack and tie up lose ends here with my apt and stuff, the thought of saying goodbye to people that have become like family to me over the past 2 years knowing I might not ever see them again is also chipping away at my emotions...I am actually surprised I have not binged more since I am an emotional eater.

I want to have faith in myself that I can be at 160 in 5 weeks, it would still be 2lbs a week, but I just don't know if i can...I can't seem to figure out the right formula of eating a exercising....it's frustrating...if i could just see the scale move it would be so encouraging...

ahh..i need to sleep...tomorrow is a new day...hopefully I can pull myself together...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I loved your very last line(s) though about tomorrow being another day!

    I just had a day like that last night. I didn't feel great (headache) and so we ate out to ease my mind from having to figure out dinner and cook. My hubby brought home way more than I wanted...and I still ate it all. After all that salt, I had to eat some chocolate. Each piece of Halloween Candy (yup...have tons left over) made me want another and wasn't "chocolatey" enough. Finally, I threw one away that I took a bite of and realized I was just stupidly binging! Today was a new day however.

    So great attitude. You can do this. You can do the 8-9 lbs...you have a fabulous attitude and just need to keep up the faith! It can be done!
    4275 days ago
    Hi Lisa - I like to say that 'small steps make a difference". For a weekly weight loss it's all an average of calories consumed and calories burned. I agree with that 20 min walk, 10 min walk it all counts, stairs instead of elevator, squats while you brush your teeth, etc. I can see how you didn't want to offend anyone at the tea party and at dinner, and still it can be fine. It's one meal at the time. Don't beat yourself up for it. Do not think one meal has ruined the day. I have thought about that I must confess but then I log it into spark (despite how ugly it looks to have eaten 3 brownies) and then it's not so bad if I can still manage to have lower calorie meals for the rest of the day. It has worked so far. Even if you are over your calorie range one day it doesn't matter, take it down the next day it's all a balance game and you can do it!!!! :D
    btw - LOVE your page's background!!!! ;-)
    4280 days ago
    EVERY little bit counts. If you didn't get up in the morning to do your 45minutes of cardio, that 20minutes that you can squeeze in of walking a lunch time STILL COUNTS. Same thing goes with the nutrition bit. So you totally blew your calories at lunch? Keep on doing the best you can for dinner and get right back on the wagon so that tomorrow is a healthy day too. We all slip, we all have moments we aren't proud of, and we all always wish something was different. Just do the best that YOU can, and you'll know that you've done everything you can. Let today go and do your best tomorrow, that's all you can ask for. On a personal note, I've been having issues with the binging on cookies (my DH cannot leave the grocery store without) but I bought my self some mint gum and that really does help. I think alot of it is having something sweet and chewing, but without the calories (as I sit here chewing away, haha). I've also found that a 10minute workout is sometimes all I need to get me to cut it out with the snacking, so grab that jump rope, go for a walk, do some military presses, anything to get your blood pumping and get you in the right frame of mind. Tomorrow is a new day, enjoy being healthy and have a great day! emoticon
    4280 days ago
    Yep, I can relate. Weekends are really tough for me because one little slip tends to grow into a major binge even though I know better. Forgive yourself, and move on.

    Try not to worry too much about meeting your goal. Just remember what you HAVE accomplished.

    I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to leave. Just remember the wonders of the internet--chatting and video calls mean you don't have to lose touch with your friends just because you're not in the same country. Just look at Facebook as an example!
    4280 days ago
    I can SO relate to what you are describing in this blog. I have had days where I spend the entire time trying to be very controlled with my eating and yet failing because I am nibbling at this or take a little bite of that. The trouble for me with doing that is there is no good way for me to ACTUALLY know how much I have eaten!!! I can't track that kind of eating. So then I feel like I have 'screwed up' for the day and that evening I will binge on whatever is around. It is crazy behavior. There is something so stressful for me about trying to be really controlled when I don't want to be (like at a tea party full of delicious baked good or at a new wonderful restaurant). And that kind of stress usually builds until I snap and binge. I don't know where this stuff comes from but I have to deal with it to have success of this journey. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your struggle! Hang in there. One bad day won't derail your efforts. Just don't let one bad day become a bad week, a bad month or a bad year. You can do this!!!
    emoticon emoticon
    4280 days ago
    Girl...don't beat yourself up! We all have bad days and self-destruct sometimes. Your're right! Tomorrow is another day to pick yourself up and get back on track. Maybe you were hanging on to some extra water when you weighed in this week? Who knows why the scale doesn't budge sometimes, but if you keep at it-the numbers will eventually move down again! You can do it!
    4280 days ago
  • RENA1965
    Quit making deadlines, if you stress yourself with deadlines the body will work against you. It is a "life" style change not a deadline change. Remember go for feeling good within yourself, to hell with eating a little extra. Just remember if you eat extra enjoy every single mouthful, savour the taste then back to business. Also those scales, hello Houston you know you ate more than necessary, leave the scales a couple of days and do damage control.. Keep working hard that cheat meal may keep your moral and motivation up instead of cracking later..
    1. If you have set food catagory tastes, swap them out for stuff you don't directly hate but just would hop over if your favourite stuff is in the fridge, try another type of fish or a new salad.. The stomach is a huge muscle it needs a shock now and again.
    2. Exercise do different stuff, don't just do the same and the same.. Try spinning or swimming and keep the muscles guessing too..
    The body can adjust and adapt to everything and survive.. Don't break get angry and go bananas! Also if your doing this, don't be hard on yourself- stop and feel if your getting more energy, use your tape measure and see if cms are disappearing. Positive thoughts are better then negative. Look for things you can do now that don't require weighing or measuring in daily life. Sometimes the negative clouds out good stuff...

    4280 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/14/2009 10:58:55 AM
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